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Trusted Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 33
Topic starter  

lyrics removed

You cannot live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.
Life is not about what I've done, what I should've done, what I could've done. Its about what I can do and what I will do.

Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 175

not crazy about the first and second verses. i like the choruses and the ending. i just don't get a real rythm going on the verses. it to me doesn't seem to flow, but as i've said to other people its hard to tell, i can't hear the song thus i don't have a great opinion because i can't hear the song.


"Blessed is he who has learned to laugh at himself, for he shall never cease to be entertained." - John Powell

Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 420

Hey Aeryn, good to see you posting again.

I liked the song, and its an important message to get out there. My main complaint is that it isn't either:
a) angry enough OR
b) firm/definite enough
It's almost apologetic. Even if you're not going for a GRRL POWER sorta thing, I think you could still intensify things a bit. Are you angry? Ashamed that it's gone this far? Let's hear about it.

On the other hand, if you want the song to be sympathetic to the guy, then maybe talk more about why you're different and why he should wait too, how much you like him and you'd like to go further... anything in addition to simply stating "I'm not gonna give it up, the end."

I guess you have to decide who you're target audience is, then go from there.

Hope this helps.

Ice cream is a dish best served cold.