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song using party as symbolic imagery, filler lines.

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(@adaminspace)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 5
Topic starter  

I like every part of these lyrics except for the filler lines I stuck in the spot of the refrain (visit me quickly today)
I put myself in a real pickle, because it needs to be a profound, cleverly worded message, that both flows and rhymes with "a". I cant just shoot off random crap like I did to fill in the gaps.

anyway here it is.....

When you lose your true sense of celebration
and your parties become black holes to your name
don't forget to take back all of your invitations
and visit me quickly today

when your drunken off the compliments that they gave you
or if you're letting common sense get in the way
you can preach till dawn and all they'll do is forsake you
visit me quickly today

and you're blowing out the candles, but just wait here
they dont represent your youth or your age
you're blowing out all the chances they gave you
visit me quickly today

If you wake up and realize without warning
in the morning that noone really came
and your guests were figments of your fixations
visit me quickly today

Stay Classy.


   
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(@misanthrope)
Noble Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2261
 

"...and yesterday was just like today" or "...and today's just like yesterday"?

IE, implying "nothing ever changes".

I'm using it in much the same way, as a (hopefully) profound line that a song keeps coming back to.

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