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Taking the Stage -my first song

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(@muffinz)
Active Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 4
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Hello guys and gals! :)
Recently, I found my love for music again and decided to write a song about how great music is. This is the result, my first song! :) I know your first song is supposed to be crap and all that, but I actually like some of the parts, but some, I must admit, was just added to take up some space and I wasn't really able to put my heart into them. Oh, and when I started making this song (and chose the name and the lyrics to the chorus) I believed "taking the stage" meant to like take over the stage and dominate the crowd, but when I got home some site told me it meant kinda to make something about yourself or something. So can this title be used or should it be changed (English is not my native tongue). I tried thinking of another name for at least an hour, but nothing good came to mind so suggestions are welcome if that's the case. Also, please take in mind that this is my first song if critiquing, but constructive criticism is always welcome.

Okay so this is the deal:

At first I thought I would make this quite rocky, but it didn't really fit when I tried it so I am now considering a little more RHCP/funky style. Tell me what you think.

Intro: If i go for the punk/rock version I'd go for something like the intro riff to Vertigo by U2. If going for the funkier sound I would just use some funky strumming with a clean guitar.

Verses: Punk/rock version: I first thought to make it kinda like Basket Case, having the guitars to keep a muted sound, but I think it sounds a little bit too depressing as I would like this song to be positive and joyful.
Funk/RHCP version: Don't really know. Maybe some not-so-intense strummingtart to shake nervously
It's our turn, the crowd starts to shout

[Drum interlude]

Been practicing this song for weeks
It will require perfect technique
Time to go, get ready to rock
Grabbing my guitar, look out now

[Interlude]

I can feel it taking over

[more "aggressive" rhythm]

Chorus:
We're taking the stage!
all stage fright's blown away
Taking the stage!
Energy pumping through my veins
[Short interlude]
Music thundering
[Lead guitar copies line above, but adds some pinch harmonics]
Screaming girls of every age,
As we're taking the stage!

[Intro riff]

Verse 3:
The groove has now kicked in at last
Feeling the ecstasy of life
This feeling cant be surpassed
not by sex or a sky dive

[Dive bomb on guitar]

Oh, its taking over me

[Change in rhythm]

Chorus:
We're taking the stage!
all stage fright's blown away
Taking the stage!
Energy pumping through my veins
[Short interlude]
Music thundering
[lead guitar]
Screaming girls of every age,
as we're taking the stage!

[New riff]

Bridge:
They say: Live life to the fullest,
but life must be lived as play
Life is the sum of our choices
Will you follow or be followed
I've made up my mind, how bout you?
...
Well, you ready? Okay, lets live

[Guitar solo]

Verse 4:
Finally, all hard work's paid off
Now collecting the true reward
Finally, proving them all wrong
Finally, no longer ignored
...
Now, who is taking over? (at this line all instruments go silent)

[instruments come back in, electric guitar this time]

Chorus:
We're taking the stage!
All stage frights blown away
Taking the stage!
Energy pumping through my veins
Music thundering
[lead guitar]
Screaming girls of every age,
as we're taking the stage!

Taking the stage!
Taking the stage!

Woo oo o oo oo ooooh!
Yeah!!

Tam Tam tadadaDAAM! (all instruments play this and end on the root chord)

Well what do you guys think? I think it's quite good, but I've been wrong before
Oh, and thanks in advance if giving critique, it is really appreciated! :D
//Muffinz 8)


   
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(@burningmoose)
Active Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 4
 

1. I wouldn't use the word "stage" twice, that closely together.
2. Try to keep the rhyme scheme for the verses consistent. If the first verse follows an AABB rhyme scheme, that should probably be what you stick to for the remaining verses.

My last critique is probably just a matter of personal preference, but I don't really like songs that are "about" something in the sense of choosing a topic and then writing about it. Most great songs (in my opinion) are an emotional catharsis of some sort, where the songwriter is spilling his or her guts about some major issue in his or her life. The kind of songs that are borne of spontaneous creative madness. Again just a personal preference. Picking a topic before writing about it can be a good songwriting exercise, but the songs that just "happen" by themselves are usually the ones that end up best.


   
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