Hey all.
I threw my work at this forum pretty regularly a few years ago, but I've since discarded that material. Here's a song I developed to completion with a very talented guitarist in London. Now I'm in a new city and looking for new collaborators so I'd appreciate some fresh eyes on the lyrics.
(intro riff, looped through the song)
(brief solo)
(into chords)
When I turned the power on,
I heard voices singing,
voices speaking just for me
Now with the power off,
I'm all alone in the terrible calm
Where everything, everything falls down on me.
(pre-chorus riff, then chords)
(chorus)
There's no replacement
It's a strange seduction
There is no peace left
It's a strange addiction
(repeat pre-chorus riff then chords)
And when the riot ends,
where will I be,
what will I be then?
Just another drowning?
In dreams and pleasures?
Waking up cold in the terrible calm,
where nothing changes, nothing changes,
plain to see
(pre-chorus riff, then chords)
(chorus)
(repeat riff)
(solo)
In the terrible calm (In the terrible calm...[backup vocal]) x2
I wanna wake up (all lyrics are doubled in the background) x2
From the terrible calm (backup adds "Don't wanna wake up here")
You could help me wake up x2
From the terrible calm (room here for improvisation around the lyrics listed above, call and response)
(Ends on)
I wanna wake up
When I turn the power on....
All comments and critiques much appreciated.
I'll give it a stab . . . tell you what I would do . . . just for the first verse.
It might not be what you want . . . but I won't know til I try.
My first thought was what are the voices singing to you?
When I turned the power on,
Voices began to sing, (changed this)
voices speaking just to me
of insignificant things (added that)
Now with the power off,
I'm alone in this terrible calm (took out "all")
Where everything, everything bears down on me. ("falls" to "bears")
Sounds cool to me . . . in my head . . . where I hear voices.
KR2
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Hi Ken. Thanks for taking the time to respond.
I have to admit, the question that you raise occurred to me as well, and I'm pretty sure that at one time I came up with an "explanatory line" so to speak (though I can't remember what it was at this point). Ultimately though I decided that I prefer to raise the question in the listener's mind, rather than answering it outright, and by doing so preserve the pace and momentum of the piece. With that in mind, I appreciate the comment because it tells me that the question is being raised.
It's fine to let the listener imagine what you hear . . . .
keeping it vague, mysterious, open to interpretation, and all that . . .
relying and hoping on the listener's imagination to fill in the void . . .
most likely, though, very few are going to bother . . .
(unless they're asked to comment on lyrics)
if the song has too much ambiguity , it loses any substantial meaning.
And the lack of meaning leaves the song kind of empty . . . lyrically.
But killer riffs and and outstanding melody could compensate for any lack of meaning.
I don't know if you were shooting for any type of meaning . . . if you were, it went over my head . . .
so like I said . . . "I won't know . . ."
. . . that was just my take on it.
KR2
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
