I often go to the Harmony Central Musicians ads just to read the ads. I ran across this one. Pretty funny.
Warning- A little bad language, so if that offends you, read no further.
Yeah right. I'm sure you are all closing this thread now. :D
Anyway, here it is.
Singer/Songwriter/Sarcastic SOB
The process of finding and auditioning for bands has to be spawned from a special place in hell, so here's hoping this works:
- I'm in my mid-30's, fat, balding, but talented and creative nonetheless. I've played most of the clubs in this area and have recorded in a Real Life Studio, where I even watched them turn the knobs and gazed at the faders moving and shit. Without being rude, you don't have to be some great pro road-dog or anything, but I'd prefer you've played out more than once in your life (remember, at your 13 year-old nephew's birthday party? Remember, you opened for a clown and a magician?)
- I'd prefer getting into a situation that is established or nearly up and running. Starting from scratch takes patience and a strong stomach and I have neither right now. Just hand me a song list, burn me a cd of your songs, and I'll learn the mothers. And if you need songs, I'll suggest some songs I know or have written.
- I like rock and roll. I can't do metal, because I can't scream really high for long periods of time. I can't do nu-metal or rap metal because I have some sliver of self-respect. I won't do straight-out country, but if that's your influence and it fits into the rock and roll framework, I'm cool with that. Overdriven guitars, strong melodies, great hooks and booming rhythm works for me. And, for God's sake, no polka. Polka scares the crap out of me.
- I'm interested in doing covers and originals in some combination (either covers with some originals or vice versa). I'm not interested in being a party band. I think the genre is pretty much covered. I'm just interested in being a part of a high-energy rock band. That would make me very happy.
- If you think Green Day invented punk, you're too young. If you think the last great rock album was made in 1979, you're too old.
- If you're looking for a lead guitarist, bassist, or keyboardist, I'm not one, so don't answer the ad asking me to be one.
- Must be in the Hartford area. I'm up by UConn, so about a 30 mile radius is what I'm working with. My family likes to see me every once in a while.
Basically, I want to join a cool band that plays cool gigs, records cool songs, and have a cool time. Clay Aiken fans need not apply, unless you'd like a punch in the snout.
If you know something better than Rock and Roll, I'd like to hear it - Jerry Lee Lewis
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Oh. man!!! That's a side splitter.
"If I had a time machine, I'd go back and tell me to practise that bloody guitar!" -Vic Lewis
Everything is 42..... again.
He tastefully left off the part about what their sisters must look like at least.
Roy
"I wonder if a composer ever intentionally composed a piece that was physically impossible to play and stuck it away to be found years later after his death, knowing it would forever drive perfectionist musicians crazy." - George Carlin
Funnay!
#4491....
talk about wanting your cake and ice cream to, do you guys think this guy has ever heard the words " team player" ?
even god loves rock-n-roll
Funy Man !
Anyone surprised that he's not in a band, then?
I started with nothing - and I've still got most of it left.
Did you know that the word "gullible" is not in any dictionary?
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That is funny but give the guy credit. He knows what he wants.
I'm thinking if he gets a chance to name the band, it might be something like "The Anal Retentives." :D
Bish
"I play live as playing dead is harder than it sounds!"
At least he lives up to his own description:
Singer/Songwriter/Sarcastic SOB
:lol: :lol: :lol: :!:
"The only way I know that guarantees no mistakes is not to play and that's simply not an option". David Hodge
We used to play a few polkas in my High school rock band, If you live in the northern Midwest and play at a VFW dance you better know some polka music :lol: :lol: ( at least that was the case 30 years ago)
It hasn't changed. :D
Bish
"I play live as playing dead is harder than it sounds!"
If you live in the northern Midwest and play at a VFW dance you better know some polka music
Ya der polkas, dey still be pert-y poplar up in da nort Visconsin and over ta Minnasoda, ya hey. Better git a coupla under da belt before yas book a wedddin or what not round hear. No sh---, hey.
Margaret
When my mind is free, you know a melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue, the guitar's comin' through to soothe me ~
Funny stuff...
Yup, weddings are special. Need some polkas, love songs, line dances, hokey pokie and then some rock for when they are eating and then again later when they are drunk.
