This is classic, hilarious, sad and true, from the current issue of Guitar One:
By Bob Gulla, GuitarOne
The top 10 guitarists who desperately need to retire!
Will someone please tell this over-the-hill gang that their time has come and gone? That the o1' - whistle's blown for the last time? That they need to fetch their lunch pails and punch out? For good?
We know this may sound like heresy to some. We also know that modern science has made significant advances in slowing the aging process; in these cases, however, we need to speed it up a bit. We've got one life to live, for crying out loud, and we don't want to spend it watching Keef's wrinkles get deeper and deeper! Just because a guy can still stand up and hold a guitar doesn't mean he should
And so the gold watches go to:
10. Dave Navarro Dave's the Anna Kournikova of rock. You know her-the sweet-assed, intensely famous tennis diva who, despite her popularity, has never won a major tournament. Dave hasn't won anything either (except maybe our admiration for marrying a frisky woman). Dave however, goes shirtless in public at all times; Anna does not. Damn.
9. Eric Clapton Nearly forty years ago, someone sprayed "Clapton is God" across a London subway wall. Sadly, since his crowning, Clapton has failed to perform a single miracle-requsite for sainthood-and he sure as hell hasn't figured out how to resurrect his career.
8. Mike Mushok "Mr. Mushok, Andy Warhol's on the phone. He's called to tell you your 15 minutes are up. And he'd like you to relay that same message to your good friend Mr. Durst as well.â€
7. Carlos Santana After hearing them everywhere for what seems like a lifetime, the hideous duets on Santana's Supernatural and Shaman albums have become the musical equivalent of dinner at Taco Bell. You can get it down OK, but sooner or later it ends up, well-you know where it ends up.
6. Keith Richards Is it me or does Keef look exactly like one of those ancient statues on
Easter Island?
5. Ted Nugent As a clean-living conservative, Nuge never got the whole "sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll" thing. "I get high on the music, man!" he'll tell you. Gimme a break, Ted-alcohol is the only explanation for Little Miss Dangerous.
4. Dick Dale If we hear his pick-melting story one more time, we're gonna scream. Better yet we're gonna find Mr. Miserlou, take him out to the Bansai Pipeline, and make him prove to us he can still surf. We don't care how old he is.
3. Dickey Betts After decades of busts, brawls, bruises, and bickering, we're thinking Dickey's about to snap. Shoot, how much guff is one redneck rocker willing to take before he hauls off – with his sawed-off?
2. Jimmy Page When Zeppelin hung it up in 1980, after In through the Out Door, It seemed a good and logical exit strategy, Unfortunately, that "out door†turned out to be a revolving door-one that slapped Page's ass back into rock, after which he gave us the Firm and the Death Wish II soundtrack.
1. Eddie Van Halen It's been 20 years since Eddie's done anything worthwhile on guitar. Twenty years. Anyone that ineffective at nay other job would have been fired 19 years and 10 months ago.
Lava Man
http://www.lavacable.com
Ha! I hope Bob Gulla stands by all that when he's pushing 60!
Why is it that classical musicians, painters, sculptors, poets, novelists, scientists, religious leaders, and others often do their best work towards the end of their lives, yet we are supposed to be washed up once we're much past 40?
I'd like to see Bob Gulla apply his standards to jazz & blues guitarists, anyway ... what about BB King, John Scofield, George Benson or Buddy Guy?
No one would be laughing at the silly Mr Gulla if he were applying the litmus test of race or gender - why should we laugh at him when he does it over age?
Mike (aged 57 years & 1 month)
This is classic, hilarious, sad and true
Ehh, I only found it to be one of those four.
Geoo
“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” - David Russell (Scottish classical Guitarist. b.1942)
This is classic, hilarious, sad and true
Ehh, I only found it to be one of those four.
Geoo
Me too, Geoo....and I'm willing to bet real money we're on the same wavelength.....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
When is this guy gunna write something worth reading again? i think he should retire. :? :roll:
#4491....
and when Mr Bob Gulla's been around as long as Keef, written as many classic riffs as Keef, and has the admiration and respect of MILLIONS of people like Keef has, then he might earn the right to slag him off....until then I strongly suggest he shuts up and goes back to doing whatever it is he does for a day job.
Who the hell is he anyway!!!!
:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
okay, well I thought it was funny.
Come on guys, he was writing a humorous, tongue in cheek article.
Who the hell is he anyway!!!!
Never heard of him. His importance factor (1 - 10) in my book is -2
Geoo
“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” - David Russell (Scottish classical Guitarist. b.1942)
okay, well I thought it was funny.
Come on guys, he was writing a humorous, tongue in cheek article.
No, really, Nick, if someone were to substitute a list of black musicians, with equivalent negative comments, or female ones, with ditto, they'd have half the www down on their neck, and rightly so.
Ageism is a form of discrimination and disempowerment, just as much as racism, sexism or discrimination against the disabled. There's a terrific article at http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4041713.stm that explains just how pernicious and harmful it is, and how little it is recognised. At least the KKK in the USA and the BNP in the UK know they are being racist - they just happen to believe in racism :( But ageists commonly don't think of themselves as ageist - they just think they're being funny, clever, or realistic, or some such stuff, and even decent, upright people like yourself don't see it.
No, there's no excuse: Bob Gulla ain't big, he ain't funny, and he darn sure ain't clever :x
Here is a recent article where Richards talks about his age.
http://www.mercedsearch.com/news/566.html
All I can say is this, the Stones earned over $120 million in 2002-2003, and they haven't figured out 2005 yet, but I've heard they earned over $200 million this year.
Not bad for a over the hill rocker. :D
If you know something better than Rock and Roll, I'd like to hear it - Jerry Lee Lewis
I'm with Nick. It's satire. And for any satire, if there weren't some kernal of truth, it wouldn't be funny.
-=tension & release=-
Nice one, Wes! Excellent article - yeah, Keef doesn't just do, he thinks it through, too.
"Rock 'n' roll is a part of jazz, and it's just a very limited form of it. But sometimes the limitations are the most interesting things ..." (K Richards)
Now that's bordering on the profound, as these things go ...
I didn't know Mike Mushok was ever a TOP guitarist. I didn't even know who he was until I searched GOOGLE! I guess they're talking about the STAIND guitarist :?:
When I first saw this topic, without opening it, I thought of EVH. He went down the road of alcoholica and never came back. :cry:
I like satire as much as anyone, but it is not too smart for a guitar magazine to make fun of some of the greatest guitar players ever. Mushok and Navarro are out of their league on that list.
Good luck getting an interview with Eric Clapton or Jimmy Page. I have bought magazines before just to read good interviews like this.
It's called biting the hand that feeds you.
If you know something better than Rock and Roll, I'd like to hear it - Jerry Lee Lewis
It's called biting the hand that feeds you.
I'm sure most of their subscribers don't mind as long as they don't insult Fall Out Boy :roll:
That's why you never see this list:
The top 10 successful newbies who desperately need to quit!
