11/45 Goodnight Irene w MP3 added

After I went back to bed, I thought of my first edit.

Goodnight Irene

I sent my sisters emails and asked what they remembered about Irene
We always sang along when the radio played “Goodnight Irene”
They reminded me when mother died, she tried to be there for me
The last of our parent’s generation. Goodbye Irene

Goodnight Irene, goodnight Irene
Goodnight Irene, goodbye Irene

Complicated Jell-O molds, casseroles and cookies by the tray
When she would came to visit for the holidays
Clothes for us boys and girls, she really knew how to sew
Father asked her to marry but she was smart enough to say no

Goodnight Irene, goodnight Irene
Goodnight Irene, goodbye Irene

Some people find love easily, but not Aunt Irene
She smoked a lot of cigarettes and way drank too much caffeine
For one who talked so much, she had a wall of privacy
Never spoke of her divorce. Goodbye Irene

Goodnight Irene, goodnight Irene
Goodnight Irene, goodbye Irene

Final edit - for now and an MP3
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12493909

Goodnight Irene

I sent my sisters emails and asked what they remembered about Irene
We always sang along when the radio played “Goodnight Irene”
They reminded me when mother died, she tried to be there for me
The last of our parent’s generation. Goodbye Irene

Goodnight Irene, goodnight Irene
Goodnight Irene, goodbye Irene

Complicated Jell-O molds, casseroles and cookies by the tray
When she would came to visit us for the holidays
Clothes for us boys and girls, she really knew how to sew
Dad asked her to marry but she was smart enough to say no

Goodnight Irene, goodnight Irene
Goodnight Irene, goodbye Irene

Some people find love easily, but not Aunt Irene
She smoked a lot of cigarettes and drank too much caffeine
For one who talked so much, she had a wall of privacy
Never spoke of her divorce. Goodbye Irene

Goodnight Irene, goodnight Irene
Goodnight Irene, goodbye Irene

Hi John,

Very nice! :D I like this line a lot "Dad asked her to marry but she was smart enough to say no" Great use of saying a lot with a few words.

This verse got a bit confusing b/c of the pronouns:

I sent my sisters emails and asked what they remembered about Irene
We always sang along when the radio played “Goodnight Irene”
They reminded me when mother died, she tried to be there for me
The last of our parent’s generation. Goodbye Irene

The "They" in line 3 refers to emails?....no sisters?, but the separation makes it hard to understand.....also the "She" in line 3 I thought referred to "mother" but it didn't make sense.

Nice mood set by the music as well.

Thanks for sharing.

James

Thanks for commenting. Yes, that first verse was originally parts of two verses that got turned into one verse, that got reversed and inverted.
Perhaps I'll keep working on it.
Many of the lines and phrases are actual quotes I received from two of my sisters. One that I didn't use, but really wanted to, was "truthful comments unfiltered by kindness"

This verse got a bit confusing b/c of the pronouns:

I sent my sisters emails and asked what they remembered about Irene
We always sang along when the radio played “Goodnight Irene”
They reminded me when mother died, she tried to be there for me
The last of our parent’s generation. Goodbye Irene

Would it help to start the second line with "They"?

They always sang along when the radio played “Goodnight Irene”

I sent my sisters emails and asked what they remembered about Irene
I always thought the radio was singing “Goodnight” to Irene
They reminded me when mother died, she tried to be there for me
The last of our parent’s generation. Goodnight Irene

I would try to set up that it's family remembering a family member as sooner.....the email line lacks immediacy of people talking and now with Skype and chats...."email" in your song will get dated soon

suggestion

I always thought the radio was singing “Goodnight” to Irene
my sisters reminisce with me about Aunt Irene
They remind me when mother died, (Aunt) Irene [was there for me/ took special care of/with me]
The last of our parent’s generation. Goodnight Irene

.......something like this...........take or toss as you wish :roll:

- I won't be checking email until morning here. I look forward to the edits :wink:

Great ideas as always. I actually applied one of them.

I sent my sisters emails and asked what they remembered about Irene
They always sang along when the radio played “Goodnight Irene”
They told me that when mother died; Irene was there for me
The last of our parent’s generation. Goodbye Irene

I actually like having "email" in it. It sets the time as now. The description of Irene with the Jell-O molds, casseroles, being private, and sewing puts her in a certain age group. The emails puts us in a different group. We're not the in the Twitter generation.
I think the first line is unique and powerful.

The use of pronouns is much clearer now in the verse.

The use of pronouns is much clearer now in the verse.

Thanks James. It's 3:20 AM and once again, I am awake in the middle of the night, rewriting this piece that probably only a handful of people will ever read.
Anyway, I woke up an hour ago, can't get back to sleep so I rewrote lines from the second and third verses

(Second verse. I rearranged the order of the first two lines and cleaned up the third)
She would came to visit us for all the holidays
Bringing complicated Jell-O molds, casseroles and cookies by the tray
And gifts of home-made clothes, she really knew how to sew
Dad asked her to marry but she was smart enough to say no

(Third verse. I thought the original second line "She smoked a lot of cigarettes and drank too much caffeine" was a cliché)
Some people find love easily, but not Aunt Irene
Her words, unfiltered by kindness, often sounded mean
For one who talked so much, she had a wall of privacy
Never spoke of her divorce. Goodbye Irene

(Third verse. I thought the original second line "She smoked a lot of cigarettes and drank too much caffeine" was a cliché)
Some people find love easily, but not Aunt Irene
Her words, unfiltered by kindness, often sounded mean
For one who talked so much, she had a wall of privacy
Never spoke of her divorce. Goodbye Irene

Another suggestion:

"unfiltered by kindness" this is a bit hard to figure out what you are saying but "often sounded mean" is easy to understand.....so a bit more clarification could come from editing the first line to be.......

Some people found it hard to love Aunt Irene
Her words, unfiltered by kindness, often sounded mean.......or "Her words, of unrefined kindness, often sounded mean"
For one who talked so much, she had a wall of privacy
Never spoke of her divorce. Goodbye Irene

I've done a little bit of lyrics tweaking (and a lot of practicing) on this one so that I can play it live. It has lots of, what I think, are subtle chords changes and the whole thing is arpeggiated. Normally in live settings, I just try to strum chords. Our normal sing around is on Wednesdays so I'll try it tomorrow.
I'll usually do a song a few times at a sing around before I take on an open mike situation. There is always someone noodling along on a guitar and usually they are in the wrong key and/or time signature. Playing and singing through such distractions can be a challenge but it's better than hecklers.

has lots of, what I think, are subtle chords changes and the whole thing is arpeggiated. Normally in live settings, I just try to strum chords.

Sounds like it would be quite a challenge to play arpeggios for the whole song and sing at the same time; although it does work well on the recording. Good luck with it.....let us know how it goes :D

It's been a long time since I wrote this. I have practiced this alot and tried it out in few song circles. I'm going to bring it out at an open mic.

I have never been very happy with the last line "Never talked of her divorce, goodbye Irene" It is bringing in a whole new plot device and its not a good line to end with.
I finally found what I think it the correct line "I never really knew her, goodbye Irene".

suggestion:

"GUESS I never really knew her, goodbye Irene".