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Song a Week 46


(@guentherb121)
Active Member
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 10
Topic starter  

First Name has 5 letters - used only 4 chords for this one. Em - C2 - D - G (capo'd 2).

Song called Stay Awhile. Was at the beach for the week on vacation hence the theme I used. Only had time to record the vocals once, so they're a bit flat in spots. Could have done better there.

https://soundcloud.com/barry-guenther/stay-awhile

V1
Lying here on the beach
Everything's out of reach
Staring out at the sea
Close our eyes and taste the breeze

V2
Won’t you lay with me
Listen to waves crash constantly
Hand in hand we
Absorb the sun and feel free

Chorus
Let the world fall aside
What interferes through the years
Roll away with the tide
Like a child
Ear to the ground and hear her sound
And just smile
Just stay awhile

V3
Let’s walk along the shoreline
Make sure to unwind
This just feels like a perfect time
Let our busy life float away

CHORUS

V4
It would feel like a crime
If the end has to arrive
I seem to find
Don’t want to end the day

CHORUS


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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Hi Barry,

Nice work :D I like the feel of the song, use of 4 chords and prosody of words and music.

The one area that I'd consider revising is V4 b/c the rest of the song does a good job of being in the moment, but to mention "feel like a crime"....and "I seem to find" seems a bit forced....just try to dig a bit deeper to stay in the moment.

Thanks for sharing'

James


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(@guentherb121)
Active Member
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 10
Topic starter  

Agreed on that last verse, I didn't like it either. Just thought the song needed a 4th verse and it was a . I was going to go back and rewrite it at one point this week/month and rerecord. I really fell in love with this chord progression and the rhythm the song developed.

Thanks for the feedback as always!

Barry


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