I wrote this song last week for a chick-friend (little bit more than friends) that I hadnt seen in a while before recently. This is a love song.
V1
You probably dont believe a word I say anymore
Cause I cant tell you anything I havent said before
I almost feel ashamed just standing here
The other night I heard a voice cutting through the air
I couldnt help but freezing when I saw you standing there
I thought back on the times I held you near
chorus
I dont want to hurt you
I dont wanna make you cry
I never felt nothing but love for you
And Ill prove I never lied
I keep thinking about your touch
And all the reasons Ive missed you so much
God will let us see in time
I got up and said hello just like I always do
And I did good not to tremble being that close to you
I havent been that nervous in a while
You looked nervous too when you saw me step outside
And it tears me apart to know you even thought I lied
Ill do any thing to make you smile
chorus
bridge
I blame it all on this crazy life I live
I wont waste another chance that youll ever give
chorus
I sang this to her Friday night. I had never in my life been more vunerable when she made me feel about _this tall (I dont care to explain the rest) I guess I scared the poor thing.
I know this doesnt fit the criteria perfectly, but the situation does. Ever since Friday Ive been channelling all my thoughts and feelings into a song about the situation. If I get it done this week Ill post it.
Later,
Rbert
Hey RBERT,
I know this song is a big-deal personally for you, but the other one you posted for this week is worlds better. I'm not exactly sure where I'd start trying to tighten this one up. But I think perhaps shortening the lines in the verses might help. Some of them are fine, some are a bit wordy. I had some trouble with the meter in Verse 2, but it could be that I'm just tired. And the bridge, though it sorta makes sense in context, you say "I blame it all on this crazy life I live" But none of your listeners know anything about how crazy it is. Although your chick-friend probably does. So if you wrote it for her, then it's probably fine. Then
"I wont waste another chance that youll ever give" just seems like an awkward way to say it. To me at least.
Anyways, those are just some initial sleep-deprived reactions, and I see that I'm rambling now, so I'd better go.
-- Scratch
Thanks for the reply Scratch,
Yes, I did write it entirely for her. I wrote about particular situations weve been through together. But everyone else I played it for said they liked it.
Im really not trying to be hard-headed here, Scratch, but the lyrics do fit the meter, and it flows rather nicely with the music.
I agree with you on the bridge. I too would say "What the ____ is he talking about?" Ill redo it.
Thanks for the input, it helps to keep me coming back.
Later,
Rbert
Im really not trying to be hard-headed here, Scratch,
Just comes naturally? JUST KIDDING! ;D
but the lyrics do fit the meter, and it flows rather nicely with the music.
I'm sure they do. It's just that we don't have the benefit in a forum like this of hearing them with the music. And on paper, they syllables in verse 1 are:
14,14,10,13,14,10 whereas in verse 2, they are:
13,14,10,12,14,9
So I think that's why I had trouble nailing down a meter. In performing, some of the words may be drawn out, others contracted, etc.. to fit the music, and that's just tough to convey with text.
Anyways, just my $0.02.
-- Scratch
I know what you mean. Thanks.
Later,
Rbert
