SSG Y10 W14 She Put Her Fingers In My Mouth

Here is a rough demo of this song idea. Specific feedback encouraged so LMN what you like, are not sure about, would change, etc. Stuff I am thinking about:

1) At 5:33 the song is a bit long. The prime suspect is the chorus. With a full chorus leading in, twice within and ending. The chorus really is three parts:

First part (hook as basis for title)
She put her fingers in my mouth
She put her fingers in my mouth

Second part (kinda like a bridge)
She chose a career in dentistry
Seems there's someplace else that she'd rather be
Still conducting herself professionally
with a smile she said with sincerity

Third part (maybe this is the chorus I dunno)
Brush your teeth, twice a day, when you brush with toothpaste don't rush
back and forth, up and down, make circles with a soft toothbrush
Floss your teeth, once a day, through the gaps take one tooth at a time
Floss and brush, daily rounds, so plaque won't come back by springtime

Options seem to be eliminating the first thre parts from the intro or maybe just leaving the hook as the intro; eliminating parts or an entire chorus in the middle between the third and fourth verse; shortening the end chorus.

2) Am a bit stuck on the time/springtime rhyme in the chorus

3) Not crazy about the recording but wanted to get posted so James is not standing alone on this one :lol: . Want to rerecord and do a bit more than one live/edited take on this one.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=1228093&songID=11417691

Chorus

She put her fingers in my mouth
She put her fingers in my mouth
She chose a career in dentistry
Seems there's someplace else that she'd rather be
Still conducting herself professionally
with a smile she said with sincerity
Brush your teeth, twice a day, when you brush with toothpaste don't rush
back and forth, up and down, make circles with a soft toothbrush
Floss your teeth, once a day, through the gaps take one tooth at a time
Floss and brush, daily rounds, so plaque won't come back by springtime

Verse 1

Past dental experience
was drill em fill em bill em
A pattern of avoidance
Unpleasant touchy outcomes

Verse 2

Two thirty walk through the door
past degrees hang in the hall
Strange machines what are they for
Uncertain charts on the wall

Verse 3
Kim seats me brown dental chair
Shifting the shining white light
Asking my oral welfare
With X-ray machine insight

Repeat chorus

Verse 4

Marty needs to look at this
dark spot here on number nine
Bright blue mask on blinded bliss
Open up picking a line

Repeat chorus

Verse 5

One headlight shines in my mouth
Examine teeth suspected
Magnetic north meets the south
Mouth is no more neglected

Repeat chorus