Oh goody, I liked this assignment.
It's one that didn't take a lot of time . . . (you'll be able to tell) . . . . but I had fun with it.
She Won't Let Me In
It's time for me to go now.
She's pulled the welcome mat,
Changed the locks, nailed the windows,
And turned the porch light out.
I can't believe I'm not wanted.
I thought we got along.
But my clothes on the front lawn
Tells me I was wrong.
So I move on up the highway.
I'll try to find a friend.
I don't need to stay at home
When Mom won't let me in.
She warned me a thousand times
And I always called her bluff
But now it's pretty (d**n) clear
That she has had enough.
Doing drugs, stayin' up at night,
And living like a slob,
I was tired of being told
To get a frickin' job.
So I move on up the highway.
I'll try to find a friend.
I don't need to stay at home
When Mom won't let me in.
KR2
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Hee hee - neat.
How about "Doing drugs, out all night"?
Scans better, IMHO.
A :-)
"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk
What an uplifting little ditty :D
You've got some good stuff in there. I really like the line that say Mom won't let me in. That was a complete surprise. Nicely done.
It has a couple of flow issues, first who is the good guy in this one? It seems like it should be complimentary to the guy hitting the road. So the line about doing drugs and up all night contradicts that. You can say the same thing, but I think you'd be better off saying it from the guys point of view, like "hey, no big deal. Quit yer bitchin'"
You'd have to do some fancy vocal work to squeeze this in, but for example:
Smoke a little, drink a little, up all night
And living like a slob,
I was tired of being told
To get a frickin' job.
Oh, and "move on up the highway" is a bit cliche.
Apart from that, very nicely done IMHO
Thanks to both of you for the feedback.
"Stayin' out all night" is better. Thanks.
Nick, cliche gone.
As to your other comment, it's all from the perspective of the guy being kicked out.
He's just giving the reasons for being kicked out . . .
I rephrased the last verse to make that clearer . . . I think.
So maybe:
She Won't Let Me In
It's time for me to go now.
She pulled the welcome mat,
Changed the locks, nailed the windows,
And turned the porch light out.
I can't believe I'm not wanted.
I thought we got along.
But my clothes on the front lawn
Tells me I was wrong.
So it's best I move along now.
I'll try to find a friend.
I can't stay at home no more
When Mom won't let me in.
She warned me a thousand times
And I always called her bluff
But now it's pretty (d**n) clear
That she has had enough.
Stayin' out all night, drinkin'
And living like a slob,
She was tired of telling me
To get a frickin' job.
So it's best I move along now.
I'll try to find a friend.
I can't stay at home no more
When Mom won't let me in.
Can you tell TN is affecting me?
Anyone who wants to put a tune to it feel free . . .
I'm not good enough to do that yet . . . although in my mind I can kind of hear a tune
Something along the lines of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8Hl-em8Azo
KR2
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Got a nice flow to this, KR2 - I watched the youtube link, but funny enough, that's the last thing I had in mind musically - for some reason I was thinking a kind of ZZ Top-esque boogie, rattling along.
Yes, I can tell Tennessee's getting to you!
The one thing I don't like? The "doing drugs" phrase - I'd have preferred something like,
"Drinkin', stayin' out all night,
Livin' like a slob....
But as always, just my opinion.
Nope - still getting a ZZ Top feel. My default setting's stuck on classic rock!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Thanks for the feedback, Vic.
I don't know what I'm doing . . . I'm just faking it. :shock: (Shhh don't tell anyone)
If I get something right, it will be by accident.
If you want it to be ZZ Top, then ZZ Top it is. :lol:
It could also be done as a blues song . . . or both as in Blue Jean Blues
I just had fun writing the lyrics for this one.
That opening line of DH's just clicked something in my already warped mind . . .
and the rest was just going with the theme of the first verse.
I'll change it to "drinkin' . . ."
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
I really like the chords in this song and I'm looking forward to singing this one.
In fact, I'll say the 'chord progression' is pretty.
And the voice will add some harmony . . . I'm really excited about this one.
Someone give it a try please . . . tell me what you think?
I have house guests for the next couple of weeks so I can't work on it as much as I would like . . .
but I'm real excited about this . . . it's in my limited range of notes . . . so I can sing it.
She Won't Let Me In
A A E E D D A
It's time for me to go now.
E D D A A E
She pulled the welcome mat,
A A E D D E
Changed the locks, pulled the shades,
E D D A A E
And turned the porch light out.
A D D D D D D A
I can't believe I'm not wanted.
A D D A A E
I thought we got along.
E A D D D D A
But my clothes on the front lawn
D D A A E
Tells me I was wrong.
Chorus
E A D D D D D A
So it's best I move along now.
A D D A A E
I'll try to find a friend.
E A D D D D A E
No, I can't stay at home no more
E A D D A A E
Since my mom won't let me in.
A A E E D D A
She warned me a thousand times
E A D D A A E
And I always called her bluff
E A A D D E
But now it's pretty clear
E D D A A E
That she has had enough.
A A E E D A
Stayin' out all night, drinkin'
A D D A A E
And living like a slob,
A A E E D D E
She was tired of tellin' me
A D D A A E
To get a frickin' job.
Chorus
E A D D D D D A
So it's best I move along now.
A D D A A E
I'll try to find a friend.
E A D D D D A E
No, I can't stay at home no more
E A D D E E A
Since my mom won't let me in.
Question, please: when posting with the code option, what font do I use in Word to get the spacing to match the font here? . . . spacing those chords above the words was a pain.
KR2
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Question, please: when posting with the code option, what font do I use in Word to get the spacing to match the font here? . . . spacing those chords above the words was a pain.
I use Courier New, font size 9 or 10 - it's a monospace font, so everything lines up correctly. One thing I've found; at the end of a line, press "Return" or "Enter" rather than just moving on to the next line.
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
I better get an A on this assignment!
Thanks, you saved me from tryin' every font in Word!
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Here's what the tune sounds like. The only available recording equipment I have so far is a webcam.
Please keep in mind that I just started 14 months ago so I'm at the stage of trying to get simple chord transitions.
In other words, the guitar playing is really bad but hopefully I get the tune across.
I got lost near the end . . . I wanted to repeat the last two lines of the chorus . . . still don't know if that is what I did.
I stopped after the first chorus . . . enough torture.
She Won't Let Me In
It's time for me to go now.
She pulled the welcome mat,
Changed the locks, pulled the shades,
And turned the porch light out.
I can't believe I'm not wanted.
I thought we got along.
But my clothes on the front lawn
Tell me I was wrong.
So it's best I move along now.
I'll try to find a friend.
I can't stay at home no more
Since Mom won't let me in.
She warned me a thousand times
And I always called her bluff
Yeh, but now it's pretty clear
That she has had enough.
Stayin' out all night, drinkin'
And living like a slob,
She was tired of tellin' me
To get a frickin' job.
So it's best I move along now.
I'll try to find a friend.
I can't stay at home no more
Since Mom won't let me in.
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
I really like these lyrics Ken, and I can see where Three Wooden Crosses type music would fit, something along that lines worked for me when I tried to sing it.
In Space, no one can hear me sing!
No hurry, Joe, I don't plan on going anywhere . . . soon.
and Master Hodge worries about me becoming big-headed . . .
do you think I need to worry?
As the kidz say, "That sucks".
I've submitted it to the Sleutelbos Collective for a serious renovation. They work miracles!
KR2
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Subject: Sunday Songwriters Group
Topic: Year 6 Week 52 Assignment
Title: She Won't Let Me In
Special Delivery/Return Receipt Requested
Origin: Detroit, Sweden
Package delivered: 11/15/2008 to Miami, Florida
The Sleutelbos Collective came through and produced this.
Thank you, Arjen.
I am really, really happy with what you did. I love the ending.
http://www.box.net/shared/ce9sqyisgo
KR2
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Glad you liked it KR, it was fun to do. 8)
Take a half-pound of KR2 lyrics. Add a quart of acoustic guitar, a pinch of strings, some fine Dutch stock, simmer gently over a warm microphone, mix carefully for between 2-3 minutes, and serve when cool. VERY COOL!
Mmmmmmmmmmm......tasty!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
