SSG2 - Week 1 - Alan Green

YEEE HAAW!

Awesome partn'r.    ;)

Im feeling an up tempo thing, I really like the how words drag, the way the next line has already started before the bar, know what I mean ?  ???..  kinda hard to explain.

If I could sing I wouldn't mind doing a cover of this   :P

I really like it.

Alan, that is great. I certainly understand the desire to get away from NY winters! However, I'll stay with the snow and leave the earthquakes and forestfires alone.

Can't think of a single thing that could be improved.

Actually, on second read through, I would look for an alternative to "whipped those Southern hides" so as not to alienate all them blasted rebs down south here in the USA. ;)

Might suggest something like:

...and to
whipped those Southern hides keep our country whole. Our
family history's always been there
on the winning side in the winner's role.

or something like that.

And just a mathematical point, Grandpa would have to have been at least 84 years old at the time of the Civil War (1861) if his father died at Brandywine (1777).

Only two things,  the whipped part doesn't sit right with me either.  Could be I'm a Virginian for 25 years now.  But I think the end result of the war was exhaustion and unity.  Could be wrong.

The other part is Lord and Master, that's an English expression.  Unfortunately I don't know the American counterpart.  

this song has a great internal rhythm.  Really good work.

Lords and masters slipped right by me.  Nick is right though, it isn't a very American phrase.  On the other hand, we being a nation of immigrants, I think you can get away with it.  "masters of our domain" is about the closest I can come to it in "americanese", but that doesn't fit.

Seinfeld kinda ruined that one.....

Hi Alan

This is great.  Excellent rhythm and pace and I was disappointed to reach the end.  It just grabbed me and wouldn't let go.  Excellent stuff.

I agree with the whipped line but can't suggest an alternative - it just fits right in there.

As for lords and masters line a possible suggestion is

From

We'll be our lords and masters, and
buy ourselves some land

to

We'll make our own destiny, and
buy ourselves some land

I think it stands as it is.

Excellent stuff - good writing  ;)

Can't wait to hear it.

Bob

OK, thanks everyone. Those are really good ideas - and it's only ten hours since I posted the original lyrics. I am gonna be in so much trouble - I wrote this at the desk yesterday when I should have been working.

I like Maxwell's idea about making the country whole, and Bob's ideas about destiny. Swapping male ancestors around left me with too many daddys so an extra layer of grandpa's makes itin there to the first verse. The maths need sorting out, too, so how about this as a revised version:

Title: Keep That Railroad Rolling

[Chorus]
Keep that railroad rolling to the
west coast and the sea. I'm
going to seek my fortune and a  
life for you and me. I've
saved a little money, going to
start a general store. And
get away from New York winters  
on that western shore

[Verse 1]
My grandpa taught me how to build a
cabin out of wood. And
you can cook and stitch and sew just
like my mama could. I'm
sure that they would all be proud to  
see us take this chance, and  
raise our children good and wholesome
on the family ranch.

[Chorus]

[Verse 2]
Daddy fought the Civil War to
make our country whole. Our
family history's always been there
in the winner's role.
Great Grandpa died at Brandywine while
fighting to be free, and
in my dreams I see him smiling
down at you and me.

[Chorus]
[Instrumental]

[Verse 3]
We'll take hold of our destiny, and
buy ourselves some land. You
know that I'll be so proud if you'd
come and hold my hand. Let's
follow father's footsteps to a
change of scenery, and
change these roads and stony walls for
rivers and some trees.

[Chorus]
[Chorus]

Bravo!

yessiree

Now can you figure out why many people are reluctant to use suggestions from others?

I know I can't.

That's one of the great unsolved mysteries of life.

My Sunday Composers chord sequence fits round this nicely, too.

A :-)

I've got to get to these posts faster! Now there's nothing left to say but "good job!"

Peace

Excellent!

Pete. :)