i hacked out this little diddy, i find i'm in a rhyming, structure rut but oh well, it's easier to bang these off than work at a different stucture, next song'll be original, thanks for reading
shoelaces
shoelaces tripped me again
can't tell which way i'm fallin
back to my knees again
i think i'm better off crawlin
shoelaces tied to them self
can't tell which way i'm trippin
over my very own words
stories there's barely a rip in
they tie me down
and hang around
dangle underneath me
keeping quite discretly
bound
we're bound
to the things that trail behind us
causing us to falter
along the way
shoelaces tied to my steps
almost everyone i've taken
has brought me to a new place
and left me slightly shaken
shoelaces tripped me again
the past has finally come calllin
back to my knees again
i think i'm better off crawlin
they tie me down
and hang around
dangle underneath me
keeping quite discretly
bound
we're bound
to the things that trail behind us
causing us to falter
along the way
marty
sytys
Don't think of it as being in a rut, think of it as being in the groove..... :D :D :D
As for the song, I like the way you didn't go for the obvious imagery and went a little outside the box, but the structure seems fine to me, has a good flow to it, only quibble I have is a couple of spelling mistakes (barley - should be barely?) - it doesn't take long to go back and check your work.......
Nice writing.
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
hey Vic, thanks for the feed back, i musta had one too many barley pops before i sat down to write, cheers.
m
sytys
