This is just off the top of my head and I have not sat down with a guitar to work it out yet but let me kown what you all think.
FIVE WILL GET YOU TEN
You round a corner and you see this sweet little thing
Something in you head just goes ding
And it's off to the races your heart starts to sing
You know this is going turn out bad it has a familiar ring
Well here's to you bother I hope it will be fine
But five will get you ten you she'll be forever on your mind
You know love to you has been so unkind
It's just the way it goes and your hearts in a bind
Five will get you ten you'll be doing it again
It happens every time and you began the begin
And you know you'll never win
You done this so may time boy you know it's a sin
If it was going to kill you it you be dead by now
So you keep on trying for some reason some how
I tell you this I and I know it to be true
Love will cut you through and through.
Loves not for ever and it's not always true
I love so many woman yea I even loved you
There's a lesson in this but I don't what to do
But five will get you before you start you're though
Five will get you ten you'll be doing it again
It happens every time and you began the begin
And you know you'll never win
You done this so may time boy you know it's a sin
Life is not what you did. It's what you are doing.
Hey Blue Note,
Nice work here. I like the 'tag line', it works and gives it a unique feel: 20's ganster sorta. I suspect that as you set it to music, you'll need to reword some of the lines, as you do, keep in mind this feel and try to work within it even more. For example "off to the races" works well, but "just goes ding" not so much. I know this was just off your head, so there is great room for tightening things up here and there.
You know love to you has been so unkind
This seems to be worded a bit ackwardly.
If it was going to kill you it you be dead by now
Loved this line.
Good luck.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Thank you SlowPlay I am going to work on this today and see what comes of it I think it's going to be a blues turn and more due to fact that I am more into blues then anything else. I am thinking of it be a tune that just has a bass line and is kind of spoken rather than sung. Some thing like the Waits song Tear from heaven. What do you think ?
Life is not what you did. It's what you are doing.
Yeah, I like the blues thing. I'm not sure about spoken work, but if you start with spoken word, you can always add a melody after the fact if need be.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
