what should I call it? 1st time writer

ok, I like the idea and you do have good parts but heres some suggestions. #1 it sound like a rapsong to me (No offense) I can predict what the next line will sound like way to easily. mabye you can mix things up and make them less predictable. You also jump around like from
And the sweat pours down my face...
And the sweat pours down my face...
And the sweat pours down my

I wake up one day
Find my fingers still are playing
Throw back the curtains, the sun is shining
Wipe the tears off I am crying

First your sweating and then you wake up one day and you find your crying. why are you crying? Is is from playing guitar? Is the sun to bright? Did someone kick you in...(Lol Just kidding). detail is needed here.

Another thing that is needed here is consistancy. you jump from about 3 lines to 4 lines randomly. try and keep the lines as consistant as you can. say... make them all about 4 lines long or 3 lines long. one or two little deviations from that wont hurt too much. Also the length of each line should be kept as consistant as possible because the more words the longer it takes to sing and the less equals the shorter it takes to sing. See what I mean?

And now I stand here on stage
An older guitar mage
And wait for you to here my-- song...

I like the sound of this but how about:

And And now I stand here on stage,
Wait for you to hear my song,
An old guitar Mage,
Lets all sing along,

Sorry for going back to the begining while im at the end of my post but in your first stanza:
So many sleepless nights
So many internal fights
My fingers bleed and my ears pound
But the music inside's still not found

What are the internal fights about? why are you bleeding and your ears pounding? is it from the music? is the music stuck in your head? What music was not found? see the listener should not be left high and dry looking for more info. They should be grasped and intregued and want to hear more.

Bstguitarist,
Hope I helped and welcome to Guitarnoise.com forums Hope you keep writing.
:lol:

just goes to show how useful this sunday songwriting thingie is!
Will keep trying. Thank u

I second this feedback this is a good skeleton for the song fill in the details, make us see this is old dude, is he like Keith Richards or Little Richard, Leo Kottkie or Chet Atkins. Why is he bleeding? Why did he get no were with his music as a young man? Is he angry or is he sad, lost or resolved to his fate? Again there is a lot of room in this tune for details and it will be a great tune. This was real good idea for a song, good work, I think you have a winner here.

Thought you might be interested in the "revised (but not finished!) version":

Years and years have passed me by
Years of fighting, years of lies
I'm so tired, my head pounds
But the music inside me's still not found

Telling myself that it's okay
Going back to it next day
All my thoughts, all my feelings
Passed into this guitar's strings

(Chorus:)

And the sweat pours down my face...
And the sweat pours down my face...
And the sweat pours down my

Practice makes perfect, they said
But all I feel is like I'm dead
My mind is mush, I can't see straight
Keep telling myself I will be great

But then I wake up one day
Find my fingers still are playing
Finallly see the sun is shining
Tears of joy off I am crying

(Bridge:)
And now I stand here on stage
An older guitar mage
And wait for you to here my-- song...

(solo(s?))

Now back to all the sleepless nights
But less of those internal fights
My mind at ease I concentrate
On what it takes to be great

(chorus)