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Y13W10 A New Key


(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2855
Topic starter  

Y13W10 A New Key

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13014084

=====Revised Version=====

I’m moving out and moving on
One last look before I’m gone
I won’t miss this tear stained floor
I’m not living here anymore

Chorus
There’s a new key waiting for me
A new key
A new key

There’ll be hugs when I arrive
Love is waiting inside
When I walk through that door
I’ll be home for sure

chorus

instrumental

chorus

=====Original Version=====
I’m moving out and moving on
One last look before I’m gone
I won’t miss this tear stained floor
I’m not living here anymore

Chorus
There’s a new key waiting for me
A new key
A new key

There’ll be hugs when I arrive
Love is waiting inside
When I walk through that door
I’ll be home for sure

chorus

instrumental

chorus

I’m ready to unlock the future
I’m ready to start a life with you


Quote
(@davidhodge)
Member Moderator
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 4485
 

Hi James

Liked this from the very first line. It's spare and feels both personal and universal. And the melody / accompanying music fit the lyrical feel quite well.

Believe it or not, even though it's short, I can see you totally dropping the last two lyric lines in favor of just the outro solo. It's a case where the last two lines are not only superfluous, but also detract from the connection that the narrator has established with the listener. "Unlock," especially, seems more than a bit of overkill.

Only other suggestion if you truly want more of a "me to you" feel would be to tweak the second verse a bit:
There’ll be hugs when I arrive
Love and laughter waiting inside
Seeing your smile when I walk through that door
Tells me I'm home for sure

Just a thought.

As always, thanks for the listen. And, again as always, I look forward to more.

Peace


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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2855
Topic starter  

Hi David,

Thanks for the listen feedback.

I took your suggestion POOF lines dropped

-James


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