Y7W8 Christmas in Our Hearts

wow James, solid entry. I want to add that to my christmas repuitar (i have no idea how to spell that... it's so bad the spell check and google searches won't even give me a suggestion...). Yeah. Anyway. the only critique comment is about what you're doing between verses where you change the rhythm. I feel like it kind of abruptly changes the mood of the song to something more heavy and driving, then switches right back to a peppy holiday song. Maybe a gentler transition.

jeremy

I feel like it kind of abruptly changes the mood of the song to something more heavy and driving, then switches right back to a peppy holiday song. Maybe a gentler transition.

:note1: :mrgreen: :note1: Poof!

Gentler transition inserted!

Hi James

Nice work. Really like this verse:
We can have pretty lights
Figgy pudding and snow ball fights
Gather round family and friends
But the wrapping paper ends up in the bin

And while I understand it's important, I'm not sure that this verse works:
Read of a journey to Bethlehem
A shining star to guide wise men
King Herod wanting to protect his throne
Mary and Joseph on their own

Not because of content, but because it's content doesn't fit the set up you've given us and you don't go further with it. The easiest way to describe it is that you're cruising along in "let me tell you something important, my friend, me to you" mode and then you stop to cite some history text. I understand that it's part of the message, but I think you do a great job of getting the message across already and this, by itself the way it currently is, is superfluous.

And I think "repertoire" is the word Jeremy's looking for...

There's a lot of great music coming out of Thailand to the SSG these days! Looking forward to reading and hearing more from you.

Peace

David,

Thanks so much for the feedback...I see how your saying....

Read of a journey to Bethlehem
A shining star to guide wise men
King Herod wanting to protect his throne
Mary and Joseph on their own

...is out of context....I will rethink it....but I did feel it was the answer to the questions I was posing ....

Vs 1 "But Christmas won't be in our hearts"
Chorus 1 "Go back to the place where Christmas really starts"
Chorus 2 "Go back to the place where Christmas really starts"
Chorus 3 "God became a baby a birthday's where it starts- Happy Birthday, Jesus" ***I think you're suggesting this might be enough to get the point across....yes/no?

Then the historical verse is the Christmas story in 4 lines...with the hope that listeners who had never heard the story would be interested to read the full account...

...but I can see how the song could work by cutting the vs out completely and still get the point across...That would be the goal of good writing...yes?....cut out anything that doesn't add more to the song....

Thanks again...I'll keep thinking it through :D

James

and then you stop to cite some history text. I understand that it's part of the message, but I think you do a great job of getting the message across already and this, by itself the way it currently is, is superfluous.

Hi David,

I agree with your comment... so :note1: :mrgreen: :note1: poof! It's out of there

Thanks again for the input. :D

James

I was doing ok and enjoying it until we got slapped round the head with the religion thing, and I think that it either should have been a bit more subtle about that or the song needs to go all out to celebrate the birth of Christ from the top.

A :-)

Alan,

Thanks for your comments...I went with your first suggestion to be a bit more subtle with the message...I appreciate your honesty because it brings up a question maybe all songwriters who really want to communicate through songs will need to consider....Question: Do I care more about my song or my listener? On one side, one should be honest and true to their beliefs....However, the songwriter should respect the time the listener is giving to them...there are plenty of other songs the listener could be listening to....and there are plenty of ways to offend and cause division...in my mind, music should be a tool to bring together/share the positives in life...obviously, it could be used to destroy and promote hate...

Either way, music is a powerful force....It really is mysterious because it seems to sit somewhere between the physical and spiritual realm...being neither completely one nor the other but somehow being both at the same time...

...any feedback or input from others is welcomed. :)

James

Way to go, James.
I guess you can celebrate the birth of a new song also this Yuletide.
speaking of which . . .
the U from umble? Don't know if it's any better but maybe U from Yuletide?
No?
You're right . . . that isn't any better.

Good job . . . . oh yeh, and . . . Merry Christmas.

Hi Ken,

Yeah, umble seemed a bit on the fringes so here is the background to back it up...I found it interesting to learn about....

U IS FOR UMBLE
As James Huston explains in Humble Pie, the original dish dates back to 16th Century England and was called "umbles pie" — a meat pie made from deer umbles (the heart, liver, and miscellaneous innards). These less desirable meats would be taken home by the huntsman who killed a deer for a nobleman, while the nobleman would get the venison. The umbles would be baked into a pie to create a modest dish suitable for a poor man. To eat umble pie meant that you acknowledged your place in the social pecking order. A few centuries changed "umble" into "humble" and also brought about a significant change in meaning. Today, "to eat humble pie" refers to a change in one's circumstance, usually involving an admission of error and-or the making of an apology.

http://www.pippahunnechurch.com/humble_pie_recipe.php

off of Christmas from A-Z
[link removed]

Merry Christmas to you, too, Ken!

Good song that's working well now. :)

I had hoped never have to think about umbles again though.... :wink: Maybe a U from Under the Christmas tree - it's traditionally where all those indulgent presents end up... Up in the sky with the star (sleigh.?)...

Have a good one,

Cheers,

Chris

I like it. You've got the melody, the rhythm and the rhyme....when it got into the religious theme near the end, I was a little wary at first, but then I remembered that's what Xmas is actually supposed to be about, so thanks for that reminder.

I guess that MP3's a rough recording - I'm not saying it's a first take, but it does sound as if you were hitting the powerchords as you went along. All credit to you for that...managed to get through without any fluffs. IMO, all it needs is a little more practise, a little more "ooomph" and you've got another "Run run Rudolph" on your hands... maybe slow it down a tad, accentuate those 6ths, and you'll have a real Xmas hit. Definitely a lot of potential there!

:D :D :D

Vic

when it got into the religious theme near the end, I was a little wary at first, but then I remembered that's what Xmas is actually supposed to be about, so thanks for that reminder.

:shock: Vic, Vic, Vic . . . is your middle name Ebenezer?

I had hoped never have to think about umbles again though.... :wink:

Ok, Chris...no more umble pie, but your left with that unopened fruit cake that gets passed off year after year :lol:

Just take a J from Jingle Bells
Take an.....E from eggnog shells
Take an.....S from stockings hung straight
Take a......U from unopened fruit cake
Take an.....S from Santa Claus
....when it got into the religious theme near the end, I was a little wary at first, but then I remembered that's what Xmas is actually supposed to be about, so thanks for that reminder.

I have Alan to thank for helping me make the message palatable :D

Vic, Vic, Vic . . . is your middle name Ebenezer?

No, but I'm trying...VERY trying, some might say....

:D :D :D

Vic