Words.....I hate 'em. I had the music figured out in about a day. I went through various pieces of this and that, something about "jumping puddles".....aimless rambling. I didn't even get a verse completed. I think I have too much stress this week to be all that creative. So I cheated, well kind of. First off I didn't use the chords exactly, though I did stick to the basic pattern. The words I took from my last week of last year assignment and modified them to fit these chords. Now I do think they fit nicely with the mood given by the music, but I'm not married to them. So fire away. I hope to put up an mp3 this evening. I know I have an ABCB and an ABAB going on, but I'm tired. Feel free to fix it. *sniff* I love you guys *sniff*
Oh, and syllabically it fits, even though the chorus looks wacky.
it's time for me to go
leave the house and chain link fences
on my way to you again
in the past and present tenses
too late to tie me down
You know this won't last
can't resist so let me drown
let the past be past
Standing outside with you
and it all slips away
old hand in hand but old is new
when this night turns to day
then when I kiss your lips
pull you close to me
my hand it shakes my heart it skips
I know my lines you changed the script
into some other scene I slip
as you set me free
it's time for me to go
disappear without a warning
the city sounds surround me now
a song of constant mourning
And though our night is through
the pain is worth my time with you
til I hear your song again
and know what I must do
Standing outside with you
and it all slips away
old hand in hand but old is new
when this night turns to day
then when I kiss your lips
pull you close to me
my hand it shakes my heart it skips
I know my lines you changed the script
into some other scene I slip
as you set me free
Just two things:
as desire is set free
to
as desire overcomes me
or overwhelms me
or overtakes me
or engulfs me
disappear without a warning
disappearing without a warning
because it seems to be in present tense but if it changes the syllabic count . . . . forget about it
(love that word "syllabic" - it seems you should have a filter for that word)
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Hi Nick,
Words still looking good. I particularly liked "I've read my lines but lost the script" and the verse with "the city sounds surround me now, with a song of constant mourning" which I think Straycat liked last time too. Over the last couple of weeks, since I've been trying to learn how to sing, my approach to songs seems to have changed quite a bit. Now, the first thing I think of is how does the singer sell the various parts of the song? What's the rhythm, phrasing, emphasis, etc.? If you've got some nice meaty chunks in the right places, the rest can be shredded lettuce and nobody cares, or remembers, exactly what it was, just where it led to. Or something.... :?
For instance, I stumbled a bit on "old hand in hand but old is new" when I first read it, but the more I thought about how you could bring the ideas behind it to life when you sang, the more I liked it, and it became a favourite part.
I was less successful with "into some other world I slip, as desires set free"
I did briefly toy with some nautical imagery about boarding her ship and sailing a buccaneer sea.... :roll: or maybe "something something ('inch by inch'?) I lose my grip, and let desire flow free...um.. draw you back to me...or???
Anyway, it looks to me like you've got a good mix of attractive salad and tasty meat (or fine Soy based alternative..) there. Hope we get to hear you sing it.
Cheers,
Chris
"Words.....I hate 'em." - NFShakespeare. Now that'd make a GREAT signature line!
So I cheated, well kind of. First off I didn't use the chords exactly, though I did stick to the basic pattern. The words I took from my last week of last year assignment and modified them to fit these chords. Now I do think they fit nicely with the mood given by the music, but I'm not married to them. So fire away.
Not cheating - this isn't a junior school poetry class and I'll be darned if I'm scribbling in red ink all over my computer screen. There are no rules, just guidelines. If someone gets a song out that's inspired by the assignment/topic without following it to the letter of the law, then I for one am thrilled for them. "Improvise, adapt, overcome" - Gunny Heighway (Clint Eastwood) in "Heartbreak Ridge."
I haven't yet compared this to the week 52 song, a lot of it's familiar, some of it strikes me as new - but it's all looking good. It's late, and I'm tired - I just realised it's gone 5am! I'll have a proper look in the AM. (Or what's left of it when I get up!)
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Okay, I put a very rough draft of this up on my soundclick page. I'm gonna go for a CSNY sound eventually.
http://www.soundclick.com/nfshakespeare
It's the second song.
You both were right, I need to fix that old hand line, which I haven't yet, and the slip line, which I have.....and I also changed the desire line. And a couple more minor things were changed that presented themselves as I sang it.
For those of you who are wondering what chords I'm playing, if there are any of you wondering what chords I'm playing...
The verse is actually based on the assignment, albeit loosely, A-D-E-D
Am9 Dsus D Dsus Em7 Emadd9 Em7 Em Dsus D Dsus over and over again.
The chorus is:
Em
Standing outside with you
Dsus A
and it all slips away
Em
old hand in hand but old is new
Dsus A
when this night turns to day
Em
then when I kiss your lips
Dsus A
pull you close to me
Em
my hand it shakes my heart it skips
Cadd9
I know my lines you changed the script
Em
into some other scene I slip
Asus4 A
as you set me free
Let me know what you think. Thanks
Well Nick, all I can say is, if this is a rough draft, I can't wait to hear the finished version!
Already got a fair touch of CSNY in there - love the harmonies. The guitar playing's excellent, the voice(s) are spot on.... oh yes, you've got a real good one here. Didn't think you'd ever top "One By One" - but you've at least equalled it. Definitely one for future RSJ's, IMHO.
This is up there with John's "Do You Remember," Kath's "Father McKenzie" and David's "Cooraclare" for me.....truly, you've excelled yourself. Added to the list of "I wish I'd written that" songs already.
One tiny thing - not too keen on the title! Eh? Ehhh? Eh, what?
:D :D :D :D :D (Count 'em!)
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
thanks Vic, that's very, very kind of you.
The title is now "Time for me to go". This is two weeks in a row that I posted something less than what I like and made it something worth performing based on feedback from the SSG writers. That's why it was titled "ehhh"
and I suppose it's time to start work on next weeks too. It isn't easy trying to write one a week, but it is gratifying to see the results.
