No offense intended, no apologies offered ... :wink:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the bass player who was so depressed about his bad timing that he threw himself behind a train?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why don't bass players tell blonde jokes?
They don't understand them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you throw a drowning bass player?
His Amp.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How does a bass player count 7/8 time?
1-2-3-4-5-6-sev-en
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a bass player and a pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many rock bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the guitar player has to show him how to do it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many pop bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The keyboard player does it with his left hand.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many country bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One. Five. One.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many reggae bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Light bulb? We spent da' money on ganja, mon!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many metal bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five -- 1 to change the light bulb and 4 to keep the guitarist from hogging all the light.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many jazz bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Forget the changes, lets just play!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many acoustic bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to do the job and another to complain that it's electric.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many blues bass players does it take to change a light bulb.
None - they can't afford the replacement.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many New Age bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but the light bulb has to really want to change.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have you heard about the bass player who locked his keys in his car and nearly missed his gig?
It took him 15 minutes to get his drummer out.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the hardest 3 years of a bass player's life?
Second grade.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a club the band just finished their sound check when the owner sitting at the bar catches the bandleaders eye and shouting across the dance floor says to bring over his musicians for a talk. Noticing the bandleader gesturing the bass player to come over, too, he shouts over again "No, no, I meant the MUSICIANS!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why are there four strings on a bass?
Three are spares.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Son: "Daddy, I want to grow up and be a bass player."
Father: "Son, you can't have it both ways."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a savings bond and a bass player?
The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you get a bass player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny's father finally agrees to teach him to play bass, just like his dad. For the first lesson, Dad shows Johnny the E string and tells him to practice thumping on just that string. Nice, even quarter notes. For the second lesson, Dad shows Johnny the A string, telling him to just thump away on it - again, nice, even quarter notes. For the third lesson, Dad shows him how to go back and forth: A - E - A - E. Back and forth, just like a country bass line. Nice, even quarter notes. When Johnny doesn't show up for his fourth lesson, Dad calls his wife at work to see if Johnny forgot about his lesson. The wife replies, "Oh. Didn't you hear? He left this morning to tour with Garth Brooks."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just before rehearsal is about to start on the Orchestra's "Bring Your Child to Work Day," the conductor is horrified to see the bass player hitting one of the children.
"You can't do that!" he yells. "Why are you hitting him?"
"He slackened one of my strings" replies the bass player.
"No problem," says the conductor. "Just tune the string up again."
"I can't!" screams the bass player. "He won't tell me which one."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many Bassist jokes are there?
Just this one -- all the rest are true!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Everybody got to elevate from the norm."
