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10 minutes jot down -made 10 minutes ago

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(@stefhy)
Trusted Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 67
Topic starter  

It shoulda been an obvious choice
Oh i coulda made it worth it
If I had only listened to that voice
that repeated itself in my head
the sound of my mother in my ears
tellin' me just to be careful
but i ignored those words of love and wisdom
and everyones a little less cheerful

me and a buddy were off to a party
I didn't think much of that
me and my buddy were gonna start drinking
oh it didn't seem that bad
and as it got later,
we thought we should leave
grabbin the car keys, pullin up our sleeves.
I hopped into the car, even though I knew I should stay

It shoulda been the obvious choice
oh I coulda made it worth it
if i had only listened to that voice
that repeated itself in my head
the sound of my mother in my ears
tellin' me just to be careful
but i ignored those words of love and wisdom
and now everyones a little less cheerful

driving down the road,
only 6 blocks to go
we turned on the wrong corner
we drove through stop signs
we were speeding near the school streets
and everything went hazey

it shoulda been an obvious choice
oh i coulda made it worth it
if i had only listened to that voice
that repeated itself in my head
the sound of my mother in my ears
telling me just to be careful
but i ignored those words of love and wisdom
and now everyones a little less cheerful

I sit here in a wrecked car
the air is growing thin
I look over to my friend
she's lying there helpless...
breatheless
lifeless

it shoulda been the obvious choice
i could have made it worth it
If I had only listened to that voice
that repeated itself in my head...

I know it wasn't reason,
That made me do what wasn't right
but sometimes my heart falls prone
to the nature of your spite.


   
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(@stefhy)
Trusted Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 67
Topic starter  

please, any comments at all! lol sorry if this seems a little impatient of me, I just want something to work off of.

I know it wasn't reason,
That made me do what wasn't right
but sometimes my heart falls prone
to the nature of your spite.


   
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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2957
 

sorry for the late reply have not been on line for ages

I personally don't like " me and my buddy " I would prefer " My buddy and I "

apart from that I like it , the verse about the sitting in a wrecked car would work nice for a chorus slipped in between the verses .

that's my opion

hilch

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2957
 

ooops I forgot your title ?

maybe "breathless , lifeless"

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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