Hey guys i havent been writing for a while here are a couple of verses i wrote. Iam just wondering what you thaught about them. And if you want you can tell me they suck LOL oh and any other begginers feel free to give us some of your new stuff.
Youre in a corner
the blinds are closed
youre mind is heavy
everything is black
you cant see a thing
youre lifes going wrong
cause you aint with me
cus life is black
see who you could be
so open the blinds
see the million shades of me
Special K
Hi'Ya Special K
Your name is a Aussie breakfast cerial ( L O L )
I looked at this numerous times and just could not get the flow , sorry
but it is a dark deep song and I just don't get it
it just dont't work for me
Your first verse says ,
"Youre in a corner
the blinds are closed
youre mind is heavy"
To me there is no flow
I'm waiting for another line but there is not one
maybe ?
"Youre in a corner
the blinds are closed
youre mind is heavy
Your heart has froze"
there are plenty of other little changes I would make to this piece
Just my opion and thought I would like to share
cheers
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
Hiya, SpecialK, and welcome to the party.
It's not just an Aussie breakfast cereal - we've had Special K in the UK since the 1960's.
I struggled to get hold of it, too, purely cos I can't see where it's going. Can we have a clue, please.
Best,
A :-)
"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk
sorry alan ,
didn't know that (special k ) but they say the world we live in is really small
cheers
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
