Here is a song that I wrote awhile ago, it's still mainly lyrics. I would love any feedback anyone can give me!
A Thousand Years
I always remember you maybe that's the problem.
Cause your face changed too quickly to see.
And I can't find the one that I used to know.
But I'll never tell you, my feelings I'll never show.
Chorus:
So what happened to you?
The real you was hidden.
And was it something in me too?
Cause everything's too different.
And in a thousand years I wouldn't have wished for this
Cause I never wanted this.
Still sometimes I can see the true you trapped.
A light behind your eyes, that somehow can't break through.
So maybe I'll just face it and accept this as the truth, I should.
Cause I can't fix what happened, if you knew, oh I know you would.
repeat Chorus
But in a thousand years, then maybe you'll be back.
You'll see what you have done, and cry for all my tears.
repeat Chorus
And did you ever want this?
No, not in a thousand years.
"You're the color of the sky reflected in each storefront windowpane...."
-Jackson Browne
Sky Blue and Black
definetely the makings of a song
soemthing jumps out at me right away, "true you", is funky grammar, and I'm down with funky grammar, but that's tooo funky, like, George Clinton doing the Robot funky :shock: :roll: . I'd suggest using something like"your true self", unless you really like that, and we all have little parts of songs like that we wouldn't change in a million years :D
the first two lines confused the hell out of me, I have a feeling if you straightened those out, the rest of it wouldn't be as confusing as well
but nevertheless, it's cool, but not ready
I don't follow my dreams, I just ask em' where they're going and catch up with them later.
-Mitch Hedburg
Did you see that!
Thanks for the feedback. :) This is very helpful!
"You're the color of the sky reflected in each storefront windowpane...."
-Jackson Browne
Sky Blue and Black
it's really good and shows a lot of emotions, but you need to fix the meter, you have some really, really long lines and you have some two or three word lines,you definately should straighten it out a little because the reader/listener can't feel any rhythm or repetition, so it's more like a free verse poem right now, and you might want to fix that while it's in it's earlier stages, it's good though, definately song material :D :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: i love that face
ie an'tce eakspe igpe atinle!!
the first legal high is spinning around!!
