Hey,
I'm back. (sorry to anyone whose disappointed :lol: ) I'm sure most of you know how busy and important Senior year in high school is, so hopefully you can forgive me for writting college essays instead of lyrics. I took some well deserved time off SAT studying to try and write a song. and this is what I came up with. Any feed back is greatly appreciated. I'm a little rusty, so all you lyrical geniuses go easy on me.
Break way to love
The childish games we used to play
Mocking each other and what we say
Pulling your hair and pinching every day
Who would have thought that we
Would end up this way
Now I'm tangled in your arms
All the time
And who would have thought you'd be mine
Chorus 1
Our playground fights
Now sleepless nights
Because I need your company
Making fun
But when push came to shove
It finally
Broke way love
The red hair that I can never let go
Use to be a big part of my insult arsenal
But now, every part of you is so, so lovely
I can only imagine what my old friends
Would think of me
Pre chorus
Chorus 2
Our playground frights
Turned to long distance flights
Because I need to see your face
Making fun
But wish push came to shove
It finally
Broke way to love
Your little freckles that I used to taunt and tease
Your glasses that I felt made you look like a geek
But now, I feel they make you look complete
And you love me
So everything's ok by me
Pre chorus
Chorus 1
It finally broke way to love (x2)
Well, thats it. give me some feedback so I can be to writting.
questions are only speedbumps in the highway of life.
This is quite nice. I'd like to know whether you were thinking slow ballad or mid-tempo before I can get a better feel for it.
Two things right away:
The first verse rhymes very well, but the second and third do not at all. Rhyming is a strong pull for listeners, so they will be wondering where it is later in the song. If you don't want to rhyme in the latter verses, then you might want to break it up in the first.
"Broke way to love" is not a slang I am familiar with. "Gave way to love" is more standard, or maybe "Broke through to love". Unless this is a specific phrase for you.
Good luck on the college hunt!
-Laz
Hey laz, I was thinking mid temp with this one, I've written too many ballads. Trying get a diverse mix of songs.
I know what your saying about the rhyming scheme, deffinatly a point for revisement. The maine choruse needs a bit of work too. I'll get back into the swing of things soon and a revisement should be up in a couple days or so.
Thanks,
Chris
questions are only speedbumps in the highway of life.
hey lever,
well i don't think that this fits this week's assignment but that is ok.
WOW! rusty, my rear end! you sure wrote a great song. it is amazing the sentiment you packed into one simple song. you sure came back from your leave of absence with a bang. i am a hopeless romatic so i am a little biased toward it though.
i love the way you contrast the little kid things against what they mean now. it is just so sweet. the song flows nicely.
again wonderful job. love it! hopefully it won't be another two months before we see you again.
-CheapThrill
Lever,
Great song. Wonderful sentiment. That second verse could use a little work but that has already been addressed.
Nice to read your work. I must have started here just about the time you took your break.
Welcome back
Celt
I must've read this after revision.......
Yes, I agree with other comments, nice contrast between "then" and "now", the things that seem strange in childhood often turn out to be normal when you're grown up......still don't see how this fits the "party" topic, though........ah, I get it, you'd been seriously partying and through a haze of alcohol fumes mistook this for the Songwriter's Club.....
( :roll: )
Nice song though.......
:) :) :)
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hi Lever
I've done a crafty move and just put your song into the songwriting club rather than the Sunday Songwriter's board as it's not really within the assignment I'd set for this week.
Seems I've caught it after the revision as well but reads really well.
Good sog
Bob
You are what you eat, eat well
