revising
Does anyone have any suggestions that I could improve or to make this better?
I like the writing, i can't really imagine a song out of it. there are some big words in there.. i'm sure you can imagine it as a song though. but it is good writing.
When you say big words what do you mean? Like where in the song? Do you think it would be better if I simplified it more? Is what you mean by big words:
I'm cruel and consistently a bore
So if I promise to change
Be exciting and handsomely warm
And here:
Will you sit with me on a low rolling hill?
Pressing our faces against the amicable wind
PS,
Nice writing.
One thing I might say is that I'm not getting the meter. I think there's alot of great things here, but just needs to be "cleaned" up abit in order to get the feel. Happy writing. :) G.
I like the lyrics, but I feel I could help out more if I could hear you play it. :)
"I wish there was an over the counter test for my loneliness"
ya i don't even know what amicable means. :lol: so ya that's what i mean.
