Hello!
please take a read at this new song and tell me anything you think about it
Suggestions, changes, and critiques are wellcome
Disliked
V1
There are many things that I
dislike from you
From the way you move to the way you talk
I detest a lot
You don't hear what I am singing
you don't even want to try
Seems that all I have to say
makes you want to cry
C
I feel disliked x2
V2
Knew you since the day you came
rolling up the stairs
from the moment you bagan to show
you were coming here to stay
I saw your intentions from
a million miles away
easily you dropped me out,
kicked me off the way
Bridge
you... made me... feel
you... made ... me
C
Feel ... disliked
please tell what you think.
thanks!
OK here's the skinny. While reading your so called chorus it was hard for me to understand what kind of "melody you were thinking of" In the first verse I would change "Dislike from you" to "Dislike of you" it just makes more since that way. Totally redo the chorus maestro and post what your second version is. The rest of it is good so keep up that much. Please read my posts I did a while back maybe they'll give you some ideas. Peace out!
Some people struggle at writing, while others write about people who are struggling.
The bridge is too short to be called a bridge and the chorus is too short to be called a chorus in my opinion. mmmm other than that, the verses seem good.
Do what you love, love what you do
http://www.acidplanet.com
-Nick
What? What does length have to do with it?
The king of rock, some say lives
the lizard king, is surely dead
the king of France, lost his head
the King of Kings... bled
( email me at esherman@wideopenwest.(com). I almost never check my hotmailaccount.
Hi!
thanks for the backup
"Dislike of you" really sounds better, I'm sorry I write this bad :oops:
I know the chorus and the bridge are too short... and the melody is hard to figure out...
I will record a rough version and post it soon if the post is still alive
See you soon
OK, my bad. It was wrong of me to say its too short. Ive thought of other songs and they have short choruses and bridges too...lol in that case, this song is really good...sorry about that last post.
Do what you love, love what you do
http://www.acidplanet.com
-Nick
Hello Noel...took a trip to your web page...only heard a little bit as file transfer was slow..you may want to check into that...but what I did hear I liked..cool rythym...keep searching for the notes....I heard "John" used to sit at a piano and pick out only a few notes and beat them to death back and forth and upside down...keep it simple....as for the "disliked" thing...how about unliked....it`s one of those words where you can use it at the end.."I feel unliked"...or at the beginning of the next, or another line.."Unliked by you"....cooker
You can sleep when you`re dead!
"and baby all you need...is just a little more love"
