I just wrote this during school.
I see you sittin' there
sittin' alone
knew what I wanted to say
but I still heald my tongue.
And I went to the ends,
to the ends of the earth
to find the words
to put in my mouth.
Chorus:
But I can't see were we are
or were we are going
but we can't turn back,
just gotta keep moving.
And the wind keeps blowing
as we're fallin' apart,
we're falling apart.
I see you sittin' there
sittin' with him.
I waited to long to say
what I wanted to say.
And now I'm all alone,
and I'm just sitting here,
sitting alone.
Thinking of you.
Now I see you laughing
almost crying.
But now you're both so quiet
like nothing need be said.
You seem so happy now,
sitting alone with him.
I should be me,
laughing with you.
Comments?
I like the meter of it, you can easily hear this as a song when you read it, and there are some really good lyrics in it too. I particularly like the chorus.
But reading through what you say , you seem to contradict yourself a bit - not sure if this isintentional or not. E.g. in the first verse it sounds like you don't know/aren't in a relationship with this girl. But the chorus sounds more like you're in an ending-relationship with her. Later on also, when you mention her being happy now and how it should be you sitting with her - that reinforces the notion that you were once in a relationship with her. I think you could tighten up the message of the song, and make it a little clearer how well you know the girl. But, depending on the music you use to accompany this, that might not be necessary, its just a thought.
Glad to see you did something productive in school today. :wink:
And I'm loking forward to hearing/reading more of your work - welcome to GN! :D
That's actually intentional. This song is meant to be a two part song for my band's demo. Kind of like A.F.I.'s leaving son pt. 1/2.
