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First song

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(@canrock)
Eminent Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 28
Topic starter  

Yesterday at work the first verse popped into my head and it kinda evolved from there. I kinda see it with acoustic music.

IT'S TIME (I'M MOVING ON)

Baby, did I say something that hurt you?
If I did, I didn't mean it.
And if there's something I forgot to do
Baby, tell me and I'll do it.

Girl you gave me a second chance
But I didn't know what to say or do
I guess I should have known
That you would say "We're through"

Baby, please don't leave me
I can't stand to be alone
Oh, Baby, can't you see
that I can't make it on my own.

I'm looking through old photos
We were quite the pair.
But, Baby you left me,
I know life is just unfair.

Baby, come back to me
You're all I ever had.
But, I guess to you
I was just another fad.

I brought some flowers
To show that I still care
But, Girl, you crushed them,
and my dreams died right there.

But, Baby, I still love you
You're the best I ever had
Baby, I know I've hurt you
But I was never mad

Now you've found someone else
You say you'll never be apart.
Girl, I just want you to know
that you still have my heart.

They tell me to forget
That I should just move on
But I still dream of you
Though I know you're gone

And they tell me to forget,
Yes, I should just move on
But, Girl, I still love you
Though I know you're gone

Baby, I still love you
Though I know you gone
Baby I still need you
But it's time that I moved on.
Yes, It's time that I moved on.
It's time.
I'm moving on.
I'm moving on (repeat till fade out)


   
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(@lwj001)
Reputable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 160
 

Hello Canrock. A good song, but too many stanzas and too much repetition.
Here's my rewrite. It's shorter but still has all the needed information.

First, I would eliminate these stanzas:

I'm looking through old photos
We were quite the pair.
But, Baby you left me,
I know life is just unfair.

Baby, come back to me
You're all I ever had.
But, I guess to you
I was just another fad.

I brought some flowers
To show that I still care
But, Girl, you crushed them,
and my dreams died right there.
Baby, please don't leave me
I can't stand to be alone

Oh, Baby, can't you see
that I can't make it on my own.
And they tell me to forget,
Yes, I should just move on
But, Girl, I still love you
Though I know you're gone
-------------------------------------
Now, here's the whole song:

IT'S TIME (I'M MOVING ON)

Baby, did I say something that hurt you?
If I did, I didn't mean it.
And if there's something I forgot to do
Baby, tell me and I'll do it.

Girl you gave me a second chance
But I didn't know what to say or do
I guess I should have known
That you would say "We're through"

Now you've found someone else
You say you'll never be apart.
Girl, I just want you to know
That you still have my heart.

Baby, I know I've hurt you
But I was never mad
Baby, I still love you
You're the best I ever had

They tell me to forget
That I should just move on
But I still dream of you
Though I know you're gone

Baby, I still love you
Though I know you gone
Baby I still need you
But it's time that I moved on.
Yes, It's time that I moved on.
It's time.
I'm moving on.
I'm moving on (repeat till fade out)

Kingwood Kowboy
Author of over 6,600 song lyrics
http://www.kingwoodkowboy.com/


   
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