All feedback is welcome. It's a blues song. Thought of it on the drive home from work.
Brittle Bones
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My inner brain is bakin'
You got the heat on high
I feel the coals you're rakin'
You cook me till I fry
My brittle bones are breakin'
I think you think I'm fakin'
My body you have takin'
And keep shakin, shakin, shakin'
My stomach starts its quakin'
As you lift me to the sky
All trust has been forsaken
You release and watch me die
My brittle bones are breakin'
I think you think I'm fakin'
My body you have takin'
And keep shakin, shakin, shakin'
My heart for you is achin'
You smile, and then you sigh
The pain in me you're makin'
It seems to make you high
My brittle bones are breakin'
I think you think I'm fakin'
My body you have takin'
And keep shakin, shakin, shakin'
MetalWerk2,
I'm not sure that the rhyming works for me. Too much of the same. It is always different when you hear it to music though, so I might be wrong (not the first time! :lol: ) Maybe you could play it for some people and see what they think, or post on http://www.soundclick.com for us to hear. Overall I like the jist of the song but it gets lost in the repetition. G. :)
hey metalwerk like i said i'd check out your other songs that i didn't notice. hey i like this one. i haven't checked out the other too. I like the rhyming it is very clever.
