Edit: Mispelled shifted, forgot the f :oops: .
Recently hit some real writers block with my acoustic singing, when this song came out of nowhere. The sound of it is very Brand New/Taking Back Sunday. Almost Alternative/Punkish. Some things to clear up. My girlfriend wants to be an architect, and wants to design a glass house to live in. I wan't to be a meteorologist, but I'm struggling with physics now in High School, hence "My career is still in question." I understand the writing style, while following a pattern, isn't a common pattern to follow. It works out in my head, hopefully it will work for you guys. Please leave some criticism, I want to improve this if possible.
I'm lying here in bed with you
The Glass walls let just enough light through
The Kids run on into the bedroom
It's a beautiful day to be alive
I put on my suit and tie my tie
You coordinate my cloths so I look fly
I head out the door to the weather center
It was a beautiful day to be alive...
Until I woke up
My wife is still my girlfriend
My career is still in question
But the sun will rise on that dreamlike day
And everything will be Ok
And its your love that pulls me through the dark
Even when my lifes shifted into park
And the sun will rise on that dreamlike day
And everything will be ok
I'm lying here in bed with you
With your college work laying all around
and my bachelors degree laying on the ground
It's a beautiful night to be alive
On you finger is a diamond ring
That says babe you really can make my heart sing
It was a beautiful night to be alive...
Until I woke up
My wife is still my girlfriend
My career is still in question
But the sun will rise on that dreamlike day
And everything will be Ok
And its you love that pulls me through the dark
Even when my lifes shifted into park
And the sun will rise on that dreamlike day
And everything will be ok
I'm lying here in bed with you
with you, wrapped up in my arms tonight
adn sharing endles kissees
It's a beautiful night to be alive
And all I know is that I love you
And I sure wish the two verses would come true
It's a beautiful night to be alive...
Until I fall asleep and dream
My wife is still my girlfriend
My career is still in question
But the sun will rise on that dreamlike day
And everything will be Ok
And its you love that pulls me through the dark
Even when my lifes shifted into park
And the sun will rise on that dreamlike day
And everything will be ok
Who needs a signature?
I mean really...
It's almost always lyrics...
or a cliche...
or garbage about me...
Lets just save YOU from the pain, ok?
I like the theme a lot, describing your dream life in all its wonder and then saying that that's all it is: a dream. I'm not in any position to critique, but, you asked, so: there are one or two parts, like I head out the door to the weather center that don't really make sense to someone who doesn't know specific things about the writer.You might consider broadening your focus a little, make the statements about the future and the present into things that can apply to everyone. I know what I'm trying to say, just not how to say it. I'm going to think on it, see if I can come up with anything more useful to say. Good luck. Just opinions.
