I've written the lyrics for this song and I can't come up with anymore lines and I wanted to see if anyone thought it was fine the way it is or if it should be continued. Thanks.
Poem
I can see that you're dreaming, I'm doing just the same
You're scribbling down a poem; I keep mine inside my head
I can see how you're feeling so would you mind if I would stay?
I'll call us a taxi then maybe we could find a word to say
I'm sorry the pastry is a little sweet, though I always get used to it
The selection of magazines is great; here this one is my favorite
I can see you eat kind of slow; yeah I also never have a reason to go
Don't you just love how this place never gets too full? The noise is always low
You're looking very pretty with the residue of a cupcake resting on your nose
Laughing silently for the first time since I met you five minutes ago
Nope, I think it's long enough - you could roll this out as a ballad around the three minute mark.
That said, I'm struggling with the residue of the cupcake, and I think when you try putting it to music you'll find it needs changing.
Best,
A :-)
"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk
Hey i'm just starting to write some songs but I think a song should be what you want it to be and doesn't have to follow a rule.
I like the song though i agree with Alan Green
Hey Poetic,
This has a real sweet feel to it. I agree with the comment about the cupcake residue though. I was thinking maybe you could use powdered sugar instead.
Instead of:
You're looking very pretty with the residue of a cupcake resting on your nose
You could try:
You're looking very pretty with a little powdered sugar on your nose
Just a thought.
TheJackal.
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=283413
Only dead fish go with the flow.
Just wanted to say, don't let this get you down, jsut play around with the song and show us what you come up with. And post meore songs!!! :D :D
