i regret loving you ( 5 minute jot down) full song

Hi Gaz

I liked the first verse and your chorus but after that well I think the song went a little hay wire from there , there rhyme in verse 1 is aa-bb

Verse 2
is a little mixed with a cc rhyme with nothing else

Verse 3

aa-bb

verse 4

aa-bb

Verses 2 and 3 say nothing to me as the use swearing to me just does not work for me in your song . I am sure there is a better way of potraying your feelings and emotions . :oops:

Last line verse 3 I do not understand at all , is this female ( you refer to ) messed up in the mind ? :?

Over all I think you are trying to feeling of mistrust , and for most of it you say it well but then as mentioned previously there are lyrics that bring your song down . As a draft it's good but with a little work it would be a lot better .

The English language is a wonderful thing and if you can not get a rhyme then check out rhyme.com , it's pretty handy.

take my comments as you find them I do not mean to be cruel in my opinion and staements , but like a old 80 's song sometimes
"you have to be cruel to be kind "

cheers

L.K :arrow:

hmm...just a humble noob's opinion here, but what about changing the second verse? it falls out of the general rhyme scheme with having no rhyme to it at all. maybe changing it from:

i saw you last thursday
closing his garden gate
did you think i was oblivious?
you made it f#*king obvious!

to:

i saw you last thursday
slamming shut his door
do you think me so oblivous?
baby girl, you're a little wh*re!

or something like that. other then that i really cant find anything i dislike about this song, becides the last line of verse 3. it is sort of confusing. what about: " 'she's a mental mess up for you' i'll say"? i love the chorus. it flows nicely.

much love,
Kawaiirandomness :wink:

hey thanks for the replies,ok..verse 2 ryhmes the way i personally sing it..when recorded youll see..well hear.. that it does fit into my style of singing,and the swearing is just me as a person and the whole jist of the song will be libertines like.. and the 'closing his garden gate' line....she cheated on me and this really happened,it is a feeling of mistrust as she couldnt be trusted...as for verse 3

never mind...good luck together
it will never ever last forever
i hope i catch him alone someday
"shes a f*#k up of the mind" ill say

its an image of telling the guy she cheated on me with,that shes a f*#k up of the mind...as in she cant be trusted,personally i thought it was an easy song to understand,the music revolves around the whole ryhming of the song.

cheers

gaz

I dont know if you were trying to rhyme oblivous with obvious, but if you were, they dont rhyme.

no..i wasnt,that part wasnt supposed to rhyme,ive got the music down and everything for this song and it all fits perfect

OK :D