i wish
it all boils down to mistakes ive made
i really wish i could turn back time
i would change who i am and start fresh again
but thats not possible so i lie..to myself
its the same everytime my heart opens up
i move too fast and say stupid things
sometimes when i speak the words get stuck
maybe its a knot in my heart strings
ohhhhh i wish i wish...
ohhhhh i wish i wish...
ohhhhh i wish i wish...
ohhhhh i wish i wish...
it could now be the time to realise
that im me and i always will be me
this should be the time to open my eyes
and erase all these cold hard feelings
ohhhhh i wish i wish...
ohhhhh i wish i wish...
ohhhhh i wish i wish...
ohhhhh i wish i wish...
it has to change now or never ever
or ill never forget what happened
ill try and try again forever
i wish i could believe myself...
ohhhhh i wish i wish...
ohhhhh i wish i wish...
ohhhhh i wish i wish...
ohhhhh i wish i wish...
i understand that the chorus is very repetative but its a kinda punky acoustic song and ive actually got the chords and everything sorted it sounds pretty cool,so ill hopefully have it recorded soon and post it on the "hear here" section for all to mock..haha cheers for reading
gaz :D
"people laugh at me because im different...i pity you..because your all the same"
Not bad Gaz. I would like to hear it though, as like you said, the chorus is a bit repetitave, but I'd like to hear how you work it out. Just my critique, don't forget to critique others. :wink:
"The only way I know that guarantees no mistakes is not to play and that's simply not an option". David Hodge
Nothing wrong with a repeatative chorus. Lithium by Nirvana is just one word over and over again, but it's still a great song. I'm having a hard time figuring out what the song is about though, my best guess is it's about regret.
i wish
[
its the same everytime my heart opens up
i move too fast and say stupid things
sometimes when i speak the words get stuck
maybe its a knot in my heart strings
Hey i love this verse1 :D :D
Nothing wrong with repetition, the chorus should sound fine ....the repetitive bit I had trouble with was in this verse.....
it has to change now or never ever
or ill never forget what happened
ill try and try again forever
i wish i could believe myself...
never, ever, and never virtually following on from each other....
maybe something like....
It has to be now or never,
or I will forget what's gone,
I'll try and try again forever,
I wish I could go on and on....
Your rhyme scheme's a little haywire, nothing rhymes in the first verse, abcb second verse, abac third verse, nothing rhymes last verse....
Try thinking about structure a little more, especially with regards to rhyming, if you're going to use a rhyming pattern, stick to it....I like abcb myself, that way you can get a powerful first line in, add to it second line, get that third line in, then you only have to rhyme the fourth line....
There are a lot of good points, especially the 2nd verse...
"its the same everytime my heart opens up
i move too fast and say stupid things
sometimes when i speak the words get stuck
maybe its a knot in my heart strings"
if the rest of the song was up to that standard, it'd be pretty good instead of just average.....
Gaz, songwriting's like any other creative process, you have to put the hard work in until it comes easily to you....hell, I've been writing songs for about 30 years, and I still don't find it easy.....
You've obviously got some talent, and remember, I've heard your guitar plasying....you can write a nice riff.....
Talk to me on MSN one night, I'll be able to get my point across better....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
