lets take a walk
i was walking in the snow with you
and the sound of it made me smile
i could see your breath in the freezing air
you made my night worthwhile
holding your hand makes me warm inside
i can still feel it though im cold
walking whilst staring at the sky
the beautiful stars never get old
chorus
this could be the perfect moment
to hold you close to me
i promise you ill be forever here
as long as you are wanting me
im staring into your perfect eyes
shooting stars are passing over
ill never let this moment pass me by
ive found my four leaf clover
is it ok if i walk you home now?
your shaking like a leaf
its not just a kiss im looking for
its the beauty that lies beneath
chorus
this could be the perfect moment
to hold you close to me
i promise you ill be forever here
as long as you are wanting me
kind of cheesy maybe? this is another punky sorta song but will be played with palm muting and distortion,not got anything sorted for this one yet but im working on it..any comments whatsoever welcome...
thanks for reading
gaz :D
"people laugh at me because im different...i pity you..because your all the same"
kind of cheesy maybe?
Yep. :) Don't know how to fix that though. Some of the words you use maybe, ("whilst"? might be better just "while")
I would suggest changing the order of this line also:
i promise you ill be forever here
to: "i promise you i'll be here forever"
Just some thoughts. Good job getting your point across though. I respect anyone who can put pen to paper & wright an original song. Keep it up!
P.S. Don't forget to critique some other poster's songs in the GNSC also. :wink:
"The only way I know that guarantees no mistakes is not to play and that's simply not an option". David Hodge
thanks for that it makes you think after switching a few words around "why didn't i think of that?" simpleness eh? i guess i do write original kinda songs,i can never really come up with good ideas,i observe nearly everything in great detail but cant seem to bring that detail out into a song....
"people laugh at me because im different...i pity you..because your all the same"
I don't think it's cheesy. It doesn't seem to have much honesty in my opinion. It tells a good story but doesn't have much feeling. But that could because I'm not into love songs.
hey, that was really good, i liked it. i understand why your doing the forever here, i've done something similar to that in a song i wrote, i think it gives it more feeling when you re-word it like that. but ya wayta go.
You say it's a punky thing - I picked it up as a ballad, which I think most people would do. Any chance we could get to listen, or could you put up the chord sequence?
Best,
A :-)
"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk
I thought this was a great song!!
Struck me as a ballad as well ...
I would change "makes" in the second stanza ... to "made". I think it sounds better and fits the tense of the first stanza.
** I like "forever here" ... don't change that.
