it this any good???

First of all, reading a song with no lines or verses is like reading a book with no punctuation or paragraphs. Maybe, I should look at the song like this:

Everybody always considered me the "good girl"
they had no clue.
I never told anyone
what i was really doing
when i claimed to be studying
at my best friend's.
She always covered for me
until that fateful day.
But who could i fool?
Could they see through my poorly made masquerade?

(This could be reworked as a chorus, if you want a chorus)
I was the "girl next door"
I always thougt i could be something more.
I wasn't so sure but now i know.
I had met the good girl i was complete
or at least i thought so.

As is, it reads more like you are just talking to someone - and you can have that approach in a song but this song lacks all strucutre. You have a good concept which, since I know you are wondering, gives the impression that you feel confined because you are being put into a "good girl" box. The "who could I fool" line says, though, you would be disappointed if people stopped thinking of you as the good girl or are you trying to say, you really are the good girl and the naughty girl is the poor masquerade? I also think you could add in the next verse to the idea that you were "the girl next door" but thought you could be something more - what something more do you think you could be? Another idea to expand on (maybe) what is so bad about being considered a "good girl?"

Really, before "experiencing" a song, you need a little more structure to it and more of a complete thought. What you have here, I could start reworking the song so it rhymes and has a consistant theme but it isn't my song. You are still in the rudimentary stages of the song and i think need to get more to it before others could really give constructive suggestions and get the complete idea of what you are trying to say.

I hope you work more on the song because I am really looking forward to seeing where you are going to take it.

I think its good

hi onegirlrevolution

yes must agree with Purple on this one when writting musical lyrics try to set them out as Purple has showed you .
Just think the of the way a poem is written out , you have though a very good start to a song l would suggest that now it s in a digestable form you play around with it , add some of the ideas that Purple has mentioned .

please keep with it

cheers
L.K :arrow:

ok, yall, sorry i havent been on lately, been really busy, but i'll try to figure something out to say. I havent worked on it, but this is just to show what everything means and so on. so this is how it should be written::

Everybody always considered me the "good girl"
They had no clue
I never told anyone what I was really doing
When I claimed to be studying at my best friends'.
She always covered for me
Until that fateful day.

But who could I fool?
Could they see through
My poorly made
Masquarde?

I was the "girl next door"
I always thought I could be
Something more
I wasn't so sure
But now I know
I had met the "good girl"
I was complete
Or at least I thought so

As you can plainly see, I havent worked on it since i first posted it.
But, anyway, I see where youre coming from, Purple, but what i'm trying to say is, my masquarade is the "good girl", but i was really the "bad girl" (implied in the "what i was really doing" line). The "she always covered for me/until that fateful day" lines say that the best friend covered for me, telling my mom, if she called, that i couldn't come to the phone, in whatever way possible.
The "who could i fool/could they see through my poorly made masquerade" is saying that i wanted people to think i was the "good girl" so they would trust me, but wasnt sure if they could tell, deep down, that i was a bad girl.
I'm still working on figuring out the second verse (girl next door), but i'll have to talk to my bff (a.k.a. "band" member) about what to do with it.
so later for now.
peace