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Last Chance

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(@specialk)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 90
Topic starter  

hey guys i just started songwriting a little while ago,this song isint quite done. its a song about a girl i went out with a few years ago and now i like her again but she has a boyfriend. I was hoping you guys could tell me if you think its good, what i should say in the next verse and it would really help if someone could give me an idea of melodie i could use in it(I play guitar). thanks!

i blow a kiss to the one i love
the wind will carry it through the midnight sun
I hope it keeps you safe in the dark
and through my dreams you will forever run

every morning I lay in bed and think
of how i screwed up and how you hate me for everything
maybe tommorow we can be friends again
and you will give me a secobd chance

common girls just one last chance
can i have on more kiss
All i want is to hold you tight
and have you bathe in my endless love

common
common
common
common
common girl give me one more chance
All I want is that one last chance
and one last time to comb your hair through my hands

Special K


   
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(@musicmaniac221)
Estimable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 148
 

one thing...i do like it...dont take these comments as bad. THink of them as...creative criticism...ok. I do like the idea and theme. I do like the rhyme scheme. Second verse, second line however...its a wee long...fix that maybe. same with last verse, last line. Hope I give you an idea on how to improve, hope i dont get you mad, just ideas. later man...GOOD SONG!

Do what you love, love what you do
http://www.acidplanet.com
-Nick


   
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(@specialk)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 90
Topic starter  

ok thanks man ill work on it

Special K


   
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(@specialk)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 90
Topic starter  

I worked on it for a bit and heres what I got. Any more advice?

i blow a kiss to the one i love
the wind will carry it through the midnight sun
I hope it keeps you safe in the dark
and through my dreams you will forever run

every morning I lay in bed and think
of how you hate me for everything
maybe tommorow we can be friends again
and you will give me a secobd chance

common girls just one last chance
can i have on more kiss
All i want is to hold you tight
and have you bathe in my endless love

common
common
common
common
common girl give me one more chance
All I want is that one last chance
can i have just one more dance?

Special K


   
ReplyQuote
(@specialk)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 90
Topic starter  

i blow a kiss to the one i love
the wind will carry it through the midnight sun
I hope it keeps you safe in the dark
and through my dreams you will forever run

every morning I lay in bed and think
of how you hate me for everything
maybe tommorow we can be friends again
and you will give me a second chance

common girl just one last chance
can i have jusy one more kiss
All i want is to hold you tight
and have you bathe in my endless love

common
common
common
common
common girl give me one more chance
All I want is that one last chance
can i have just one more dance?

Special K


   
ReplyQuote