Here are some lyrics to a song which i have recently written. I know they're a bit clichéd but i would really appreciate any comments, positive or otherwise. The song is called 'Songs that remind me of you'
When I came in and read your note
Well i could hardly believe my eyes
I just couldn't believe you'd walk out on me babe
It took me totally by surprise
I thought things were going well
Been going steady for a while
To me it was love but to you it was not
and now I'm finding it hard to smile
Chorus
I can't seem to figure out
just what i'm gonna do
i keep wrackin' my brain
there's nothing but pain
and i can't stop thinking about you
Now i'm taking it day by day
trying to get on with my life
but the thought of you brings a tear to my eye
and it cuts me like a knife
Chorus
I cannot escape your face
or the memory of your smile
But i don't wanna forget all the good times we had
I wanna keep them for a while
Chorus
I tell myself to be strong
and i pick up my guitar
I start strummin' some chords and hummin' some words
and now i've come this far
Chorus (2)
I think i've finally figured out
Just what i'm gonna do
I'm gonna play my guitar in a smoky old bar
and sing songs that remind me of you
(repeat chorus (2))
So there it is be gentle with me
"This is a public service announcement.....with guitars"
It's pretty good, although I think the chorus should flow a bit better, have a look at the last two lines and maybe change them so they flow better rhythmically. Other then that, it looks like a potentially great song.
Chorus
I can't seem to figure out
just what i'm gonna do
i keep wrackin' my brain
there's nothing but pain
and i can't stop thinking about you
Steve-0
thanks for your advice and your positive feedback. Could you elaborate on your suggestion of changing the last two lines of the chorus please?
I feel that the last 2 lines particularly 'and i can't stop thikin 'bout you' melodically provide the hook. I do have a rough recording of the song which probably gets my point across better but i'm not sure how to upload it.
It is sung in a sort of laid back country style if this helps.
"This is a public service announcement.....with guitars"
