Skip to content
Notifications
Clear all

"My Son" & "Alone"

9 Posts
4 Users
0 Likes
1,527 Views
(@aerynk-mcavan)
Trusted Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 33
Topic starter  

Lyrics removed.

You cannot live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.
Life is not about what I've done, what I should've done, what I could've done. Its about what I can do and what I will do.


   
Quote
(@artlutherie)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1157
 

sorry my bad

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear!
ChuckNorrisFactsdotCom


   
ReplyQuote
(@slowplay)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 420
 

Hey Aeryn,

I like this song. I'm assuming it is going to be a bit of a rocker?

Maybe one of the times you sing:
Makin love the rest of your life
I hope you look, I hope you see
you could try:
Makin love the rest of your life
I hope you look down and see

(My intended implication is that he doesn't even see the woman he's with.)

My other suggestion would be to tie in some of the thoughts from your intro paragraph into the song, like the scene in the driveway (I think it is already there, just a little ambiguous). Stuff like that will take it from "some guy cheated on some girl" to "he cheated on me!".

As far as the duet goes... I dunno, maybe. I kinda like the idea of two women both singing the same song to the same guy, but it would take a bit of work.... maybe writting a 3rd and 4th verse to intersperse among the 1st and 2nd to show the same story from both of their perspectives? Having the two women singing together at the end would be powerful.

I would avoid having male vocals, since I don't think the guy really deserves to say much in this situation. I'd rather enjoy listening to you tear into him.

Ice cream is a dish best served cold.


   
ReplyQuote
(@aerynk-mcavan)
Trusted Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 33
Topic starter  

Thank you slow play....
I tried to fit that in there. It actually is a very good line. I changed it around a bit on the verse in the driveway. So I am talking directly to her and then directly to him.....
But thank you again. Let me know what you think.

Aeryn

You cannot live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.
Life is not about what I've done, what I should've done, what I could've done. Its about what I can do and what I will do.


   
ReplyQuote
(@slowplay)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 420
 

Hey Aeryn,

I like the changes. I think it captures more of your anger, and I like the way you're singing at both of them.

Ice cream is a dish best served cold.


   
ReplyQuote
(@aerynk-mcavan)
Trusted Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 33
Topic starter  

Im glad you like it slow play. Thank you personally for your feedback.
Yes this song starts out slow, kind of sad sounding then after the:
"no...not until I hear my voice rain down"
Then it starts to pick up.
When you ger to the part of: "I hope you feel that way inside
Makin' love to her at night......"
Heres where I really get into it.
At the final section is where everything comes out. THe hurt, frustration, everything....
With the last part: "I hope you remember
Everything"
Im still undecided as to sing that part or have that part 1/2 spoken or spoken completely. Im trying it in every way and its still undecided.
Which would sound the best?

Aeryn K. McAvan

You cannot live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.
Life is not about what I've done, what I should've done, what I could've done. Its about what I can do and what I will do.


   
ReplyQuote
(@slowplay)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 420
 

Im still undecided as to sing that part or have that part 1/2 spoken or spoken completely. Im trying it in every way and its still undecided.
Which would sound the best?

Honestly, I'd have to hear them in the context of the song. Spoken can be kinda powerful. Building intensity from spoken to singing is great too.

Ice cream is a dish best served cold.


   
ReplyQuote
(@aerynk-mcavan)
Trusted Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 33
Topic starter  

Well Ive completed my first song "Alone". Im now looking to complete my second song:" My Son".
Im looking for feedback of any kind. I like looking at things from other point of views.
Thank You all!

Aeryn K. McAvan

You cannot live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.
Life is not about what I've done, what I should've done, what I could've done. Its about what I can do and what I will do.


   
ReplyQuote
(@mysticmoonangel)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 166
 

is there somwere we can hear your song (alone) i would love to listen to it
thanks mystic


   
ReplyQuote