Pretty Young Thing
Such a sharp mind, in such a dull world
But they told her to shut up and act like a girl
She loves to paint, yeah, she wants to make art
But Daddy said no, it's your looks that take you far
So bat your eyes and stick out your chest
No need to speak, honey, just look your best
Now twenty years later she's addicted and stressed
And they can't understand why she's such a mess
There's something wrong with her
I know we raised her right
Tell me what's wrong with her
And why she cries at night
Never had a chance to be what she wanted to be
But isn't she a pretty young thing?
Daddy, you don't get it, you don't get it at all
Every time she tried to climb, you told her to fall
That no matter what she felt, keep it to herself
The road you paved for her led her to hell
When they found her body, they looked for a note
Searching through her journal for clues that she wrote
They found a drawing of the word “Happyâ€
Over a post-script saying “I know I'll never beâ€
So she put on her lashes and her best Sunday dress,
And with two little slashes put her sorrows to rest
There's something wrong with her
We did everything right
Tell me what's wrong with her
And why she cries at night
Never had a chance to be what she wanted to be
But wasn't she pretty?
--END--
Comments, tips appreciated. I'm just getting started on what I hope will be a fulfilling songwriting journey.
Great job! The story is developed in clear stages; there are plenty of visual ideas and creative use of the song format; it reads well and the flow seems to be there; it has verses and a repeating chorus.
Anything you want to tell us about the musical style? My first impression is of the kind of song a band like Paramore could perform.
If that's your first song, you're a natural!
Thank you, that is high praise. I have written a few songs, but so far all of them consist only of lyrics and a vocal melody. I do consider myself a natural writer (whether it be articles, columns, songs, etc), but I need to figure out how to put music to my lyrics.
