This is my first song, i was thinking the song would go good with country music. if you like it feel free to put it to any music.
In a Cleveland train station
Soldiers who fought for their nation
Coming home from a job well done
They come home with long faces
And have emotional traces
Of the horror they seen over there
One man cheers out loud
And it infects the crowd
Applause for the soldiers coming home
The soldiers start to smile
And it last for awhile
Thank you rings out from the crowd
In a Cleveland train station
There was a standing ovation
For the soldiers and a job well done
Tim
it's a rough start but there's gold in them thar hills. great sense of metaphor.
"Nothing happens until something moves."
Albert Einstein
it's a rough start but there's gold in them thar hills. great sense of metaphor. :lol: well it just kinda popped up on me, it sounded better in my head, thought i would take a stab at it.
good thing my first love is guitar. :wink:
Tim
This is gold. A couple of little things jumped out at me though . . .
It seems like the first and second lines need to be tightend up a bit. I'm not sure I like the "cleveland train station . . ." it localizes the song a bit too much.
I think it would carry more weight if the listener could put it into their own life-context, be it in some rural area or downtown cleveland or someplace in England?
"In a small and dusty station..." or some such -- vivid without being specific?
Also, where's it going? I'm left hanging . . . are the soldiers so uplifted by the crowd that the horrors they've seen no longer matter? Or is this just a moment's respite from many years of fighting private demons? Does this outpouring of emotion matter, or has the damage done been too great?
"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side." -- HST
Also, where's it going? I'm left hanging . . . are the soldiers so uplifted by the crowd that the horrors they've seen no longer matter? Or is this just a moment's respite from many years of fighting private demons? Does this outpouring of emotion matter, or has the damage done been too great? i was thinking, the support they were shown made them feel a lot better about what they were doing over there. if you can find a way to add closure feel free to.
glad you liked it :D
Tim
for what it's worth
listen to sam stone by john prine. might make a good template for where you could go next but most of all keep it up.
"Nothing happens until something moves."
Albert Einstein
