Ok, this is my first EVER shot at writing a song. It's not even close to done (in my mind) but I'd like to hear some early opinions. Please be brutally honest. It sounds clunky to me (i like the chorus though) but I think I need to hammer through it more to make it more poetic. The scheme sounds totally off so suggestions are welcome. Thanks.
"The Far Side Of Morning"
2005
VERSES
The house spat me out
And I started walkin'
My feet led me on
And my memories kept talkin'
So I dropped them down the runoff drains
The sun kissed the horizon
And my head began to drift
My judgement screamed for mercy
But my feet kept their lift
And I soldiered into the night
CHORUS
And I'll meet you thre
On the far side of morning
Running through the woods
The light ahead is warning
And I sit in the grass
With the rising sun imploring
As the stars melt into the short side of day
There will be more verses. I hope to have a story-like continuity. I just want to throw this out to see if I'm on the right track and whatnot.
Music wise, this grew out of an E-D-C-D progression. I'm using that progression for the entire song, but using different voicings, the verses being power chords and the chorus being big ole open chords. For later in the song, like the outro or end verse or whatever, I'm going to use the power chords with open treble strings.
Thoughts?
i like it so far! definitely on to something there!
Ok here's a more complete version
The Far Side Of Morning
The cold house spat me out and my shoes hit the pavement
My feet carried me through the drops of rain
Memories like an old book, rising to my eyes
I ripped out the offending pages
Stuffed them down the runoff drains
The sun kissed the horizon, my head began to drift
Better judgment screamed for mercy
But my feet they kept their lift
That book kept coming to haunt me
But I slammed it out of my sight
And I'll meet you there
On the far side of morning
Running through the woods
The light ahead is warning
And I sit in the grass
With the rising sun imploring
As the stars melt away to the short side of day
So my mind's that open book
New chapters being written
But the end's a field of white
And I'm looking to fill it
So I'll run through the woods
To the latter edge of the night
I wanna look up at your window and see your long brown hair
And I'll meet you there
On the far side of morning
Running through the woods
The light ahead is warning
And I sit in the grass
With the rising sun imploring
As the stars melt away to the short side of day
And I'll meet you there
On the far side of morning
Running through the woods
The light ahead is warning
And I sit in the grass
With the rising sun imploring
As the stars melt away to the short side of day
Thoughts?
i kinda liked the first oen better although i dont know how the second one is sung but the irst one seemed more...catchy like on the second one you were trying to hard. i loved the word usage in the first one such words as imploring really caught my eye, keep at it.
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