Through
When the sun came through this morning
I sure knew what to do
Write this song to sing goodbye to you
I guess I'm finally through [...]
Yeah this might be the end
You broke both my arms and heart
When you crashed into my car
Then our eyes met in the ambulance
But now you've went to far
Yeah I'm so through with you
Nananana
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A miniature song (1:30) that gives the beginning (2nd verse) and ending (1st verse) of a story but doesn't tell anything about what actually happened. That's intentional. It's a simple accoustic song for a change, the verses using only Fmaj7, C and G6 chords. The ending is a tiny part consisting of a looped Am, G, Bb, F progression. Why I am posting this? Because I ain't too sure on how the text comes over and the song kinda fails if it is taken as a tragic, serious song.
So, any feedback appreciated.
It seems a bit ambiguous. In the first verse there is no clue to whether it was a long or short relationship, and whether the singer is happy or sad that it's over. Those are the two main questions on my mind. The second verse answers one of those questions but not the other. It could be a week-long relationship, or ten years.
Also the song makes me question whether the singer is about to die, or just moving on with their life.
Well those are my thoughts, I guess your next step depends on how much of that is intentional and how much is not.
FEEDBACK INDEED!!!!
Repeat the first verse after you sing the second verse.
Give this emotion and sustained notes.
Be loud when you repeat the the first verse again. Not yelling, more like "my girl" from nirvana unplugged.
Try 3/4 timing.
GOOD LUCK!!!.
FEEDBACK CLOSED!!!! (until later date.)
"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell
Hi Arjen
Might I be so bold to say that it would give your song alot more if you added a chorus between what you have and then end it with the same chorus ?
Something along the lines of :
You broke my heart
For no reason ,
Your foul moods
Change like the seasons
So good-bye , good-bye
g..o..o..d ---b y e <---(really drag it out )
=================
Just my opinion mate
What you have reads pretty good to me , I don't believe that you have to memtion things like , ( we've been together for so long )etc .....
Hilch
:?:
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
