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Too late

Guitar Noise Songwriting Club

Last Post by lotto king 19 years ago

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noel-iu

(@noel-iu)

Estimable Member

Joined: 20 years ago

Posts: 96

Topic starter 27/12/2004 3:15 pm

Please have a look and tell me what you think and any change suggestion
This is a very simple song... I don't pretend to make money maker songs... so don't be harsh please (have a look at the last posts and see what I mean)

Too late (not sure of the title)

Verse
You said
'Please don't worry'
'I'll be O.K.'
'I'll be fine'

But your eyes
said you hurry
you don't want
start here to cry

Chorus
I knew what you wanted to say
I thought that it's too late
...it's too late...

Verse
just
as I lay down
as I think twice
what have I said?

Then
I realise
Have not been wise
treating her

Chorus
I knew what I wanted to say
I wouldn't wish it happened this way
wish we turn back and make it well
but it's too late...

what do you think?

http://www.freewebs.com/noel-iu

http://noel-iu.dmusic.com/

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guitargeek

(@guitargeek)

Reputable Member

Joined: 19 years ago

Posts: 281

27/12/2004 4:45 pm

hey! i thought it was quite good, i like the way you wrote it out,the first bit was good, i didnt get this verse though...

But your eyes
said you hurry
you don't want
start here to cry

other than it i think it was maybe a little vague, could do with some more story

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noel-iu

(@noel-iu)

Estimable Member

Joined: 20 years ago

Posts: 96

Topic starter 27/12/2004 5:33 pm

Hey!
I'd probably not written it well. I'm spanish... and sometimes it gets hard to explain myself as I wish
I mean she is in hurry because his eyes are gettin dry and she doesn't want to let me see her cry.
Could you help me to rewrite it properly?
Thanks!

http://www.freewebs.com/noel-iu

http://noel-iu.dmusic.com/

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lotto king

(@lotto-king)

Prominent Member

Joined: 19 years ago

Posts: 777

28/12/2004 7:15 am

May I have a go????

you have :

But your eyes
said you hurry
you don't want
start here to cry

I say :

It's in your eyes
I don't want you to hear my cries
oh please .... baby please realise
Just open the gate before it's too late

hope you like

reference to openthe gate is please leave

another suggestion would be to have it in Spanish that way you could say exactly what want you want to and it might add a bit of spice to it

that's my 5 cents worth hope you like

cheers

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )

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