She grabbed the ticket and ran
leaving me behind without a tear
she never had to hide her feelings
she was always so open
until she met me,
I feel down, scraping my knees
she kept running ignoring my pleas
i scrambled up loosing sight of her
never did find a cure for my love of her
as if love potion #9 never wore off
Now i sit here everyday
wasting away
dreaming night after night
of my never ending fight
during the day, just wandering
wandering around with no purpose
O Why O Why Couldn't She Of Just Cried
It's 15 Till And She Has The Other 45 In Her Mouth.
hi DD ,
the flow don't work for me sorry
this is good :
She grabbed the ticket and ran
leaving me behind without a tear
she never had to hide her feelings
then you have added this which does not flow the same way :
she was always so open
until she met me,
same here :
I feel down, scraping my knees
she kept running ignoring my pleas
i scrambled up loosing sight of her
never did find a cure for my love of her
and this part doesn't work in this verse :
as if love potion #9 never wore off
sorry DD it just don't work for me
that's my 5 cents worth
cheers
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
i see what you mean...
She grabbed the ticket and ran
leaving me behind without a tear
she never had to hide her feelings
she was always so open
until she met me,
if i take that out, its more smooth to me, thanks for the constructive criticism
It's 15 Till And She Has The Other 45 In Her Mouth.
i agree...just take that one part out in red...then it works...sounds like a boyfriend and girlfriend in a fight?...hmmm maybe?...lol good job, works for me. later.
Do what you love, love what you do
http://www.acidplanet.com
-Nick
