This is a song me and a friend were working on after she had a harsh break up, lol it was mostly her tho - i can't write worth crap- but anyway, i know there's not much a of a rhyme scheme at all, but its one of those songs that if sung properly it just works. Plz tell what you think of it and be harsh about it if needed, there's no other way for me to learn...
Who knew
this would make me
so wrong
it would take me
so long
just to tell you
I'm really really sorry
As I lay awake at night
starin at the cieling
trying to fall asleep
but I know
that your not, here now
wishing your arm was wrapped tight around me
dreaming your love was still right beside me
what will it take for that to be?
Who knew
this would make me
so wrong
it would take me
so long
just to tell you
I'm really really sorry
There's nothin i want more
than to be with you right now
to walk hand in hand
look into your eyes
see the love that's shining
and we share a smile
but I messed up,yea i've done wrong
I lost you, and u knew all along
who knew
this would make me
so wrong
it would take me
so long
just to tell you
im really really sorry
I know it wasn't reason,
That made me do what wasn't right
but sometimes my heart falls prone
to the nature of your spite.
I like it. I'm not sure how i feel about the end of your chorus, i was thinking of maybe a change for the chorus but thats my opinion something along the lines of:
Who knew,
This would define me,
Who knew,
This could unwind me,
My emotions,
Hanging out the door,
Why's it have to be me,
Coming back for more...
I don't know, this might not be the flow of the song, but i like that. i think it would be cool in the song. But it's your song.
Thankies for that, i didn't think it was all that good but I like ur idea, changin the chorus, im definately up for that. :D thanks again
I know it wasn't reason,
That made me do what wasn't right
but sometimes my heart falls prone
to the nature of your spite.
no problem. like i said i like all the rest of the song i just wasn't too keen on the chorus. so no problem, always glad to help someone.
i like it, i can connect with it easily. maybe the second chorus should be moved to the end of the song, orv maybe have some sort of bridge and a variation of the chorus in there, like rejected said.
very good though
my songs are registered with the canadian copyright board
