First Original Song: Updated: A Honeymoon in the Sky

QUOTE FROM Taso: "I would definitly appreciate you putting some words to it to give me an idea."

If I may be so bold as to roll up a sleeve and put a chunk of heart on it. I have lyrics I wrote 3 years ago this month and still haven't come up with anything for music. Your tune made me go look them up and I'd like to give you a few lines to put with a part at the beginning. They seem to fit which is what cleared the cobwebs on it.

If you think it'll work, we can go from there.

Thanks either way.

No ego here so if it fails miserably I just won't be back. :P (j/k...unless you revoke my account. :shock: )

Here goes.

Standing right in front of me
You're a million miles away.
Something I know I can't have
Don't even make a play.

I've read through my chorus and I'm not sure it fits with anything in your song. Maybe I'm getting a case of wishful thinking here.

Muchavo, thanks. Drums will definitly be added, and when they are, I'll post back an updated version. Appreciated the compliments.

Bish, I appreciate the idea, and the effort. Where would you want to put them? Like, in which part of the song, and could you record your self singing them? That's what I really meant about Arjen giving me an idea, because I don't know how I'd sing any words. Writing them isn't that hard for me, just how they should be sung.

Thanks again!!

Ok: Updated:

Added lyrics that I wrote about a week ago. Posted them in the song writing club section, but I guess I'm not in the club, didn't get any responses, so either they are bad, or just hard to imagine without the music, I don't know. My real problem was how to sing them but I got that figured out! The lyrics fit very well I feel, I knew this song reminded me of space, etc, but I didn't know how to write about it, finally got the idea after talking with a girl about where we'd honeymoon if we got married (just kidding around) and I kept saying CVS, and she'd say no, so finally I suggested the space station. ANYWAYS, that was just for those of you who wanted the back story, haha.

So the new updated with words, and a new title: "A Honeymoon in the Sky"

Comments, criticisms, everything APPRECIATED, you know me.

http://taso.dmusic.com/

Thanks
Taso

Taso, actually sounds pretty good. You don't sound like Kramer at all, well maybe a little :lol: .

I noticed you filled in some area and smoothed a few others out. I would tweak it and lock it down. You may have a winner.

Yeah, thanks Nils! Still in the rough draft phase, I have a bass player and a drummer and maybe we'll get to record this weekend. Drummer has been very busy, but he should have more time this weekend.

Thanks, again, comments criticisms appreicated.

You have a great voice, very laid back and comfortable, but you are hiding it behind the effects a little too much. Try increasing the level or the db's on the vocals.

We have already talked about that, and it isn't effects just another recording accentuating different notes (great idea!). Maybe boost one track over the other and visa versa to see how it sounds.

I think it sounds great, just a little tweaking with the vocal level (vocal track, not the vocals themselves) and maybe add a vocal outro and you got a gem!

Great job, Taso!

Mike

Tracker, thanks a lot.

Just uploaded another one, with louder vocals this time. Good call. I agree with you about the outro vocals idea, maybe I'll have it be a repeating phrase, or like you suggested, a conclusion of sorts. The last verse is kind of a conclusion, but I like the idea of having it after the solo.

Thanks bud.

Any other comments..suggestions..criticisms..etc. appreciated

Taso

Taso,

I see you responded to my post above. Sorry I didn't respond back. I lost the post and couldn't find it again. :oops:

I was just clicking through everything tonight and here it is.

Sorry for not getting back sooner.

Your new version sounds great! 8)

No problem Bish. And thanks!

Hey Taso, sorry I haven't commented till now, been busy :D I think You have a really nice tune here 8) 8) and you can sing good, I'm really jealous :lol: :lol: You kinda remind me of John Lennon a bit ( musically).Keep em coming :D --the dog

Hey Taso. Sounds good with the vocals driven up a little. You do have a good voice especially for this song.

Thanks Dog and no problem!, thanks again nils, yeah, Tracker was right on when he said the vocals should be raised.

Appreciate the comments, any others are definitly welcome. You out there Arjen, would love to hear your thoughts especially.

Thanks
Taso

I like the new version!

Brings it "more to life", if you ask me.

Keep up the great work, Taso!

I like the idea and sound of your new project too. Good luck with it.

Mike

Hey again Taso!
I just listened to your song from the response from Tracker to your post in the GN Songwriters Club, and I replied there also. Great tune! I didn't know that you had the music recorded 1st, then added the lyrics. I'm impressed!! My 10 year old son came in while I was listening to you, and was like: " Who's that? It sounds cool!" I told him it was your 1st song, and he said to tell you he thinks it's great! (See, you're in with the young crowd now!) Probably gonna be a big pop icon now, remember us at GN.
Dan

Dan, thanks for the reply. I would definitly agree with you about the vocals being hard to make out in one spot, not sure what I was doing there. Tell your son I said thanks! Of course I'll remember GN :lol:

Thanks again,

Any further comments/criticism/suggestions are appreciated.

Taso