Ok, Here we go.
Here's the story. About 2 years ago, I wrote my wife a song for Christmas. Although I scored big on the cool gift scoreboard, I hated the song. So I spent months trying to revamp it to no avail, so I shelved the project. Until a week ago, I pulled the idea out again and started working it. This is what I came up with. I thought I would post it to get some feedback on the song (writing wise, melody, chords, lyrics) and also jump into the fray musically speaking and share some of my stuff.
It's a demo. Very dry with no mixing, no balancing, no FX. I added some color into it to experiment with the sound and makeup of the song. Listen if you like. comments on the song itself, not necessarily the technical aspect of the song (mixing, recording). I need a good idea as to how you might like the song writing wise.
http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6360500
It's all me. One acuoutic, Epi electric, my casio keyboard and some VIs and my voice.
Thanks.
Pat
==================
Pat
joefish
SilverBox
"Music so wishes to be heard that it sometimes calls on unlikely characters to give it voice".
Robert Fripp
pretty nice. vocals are fine, instruments are fine. I like the melody and timing.
this reminds me very much of Ronnie Lane's work...especially when he teamed up with Pete Townsend on an obscure album called Rough Mix.
I really wanted to place this posting in Sunday Songwriting... it was late and i wasn't paying attention. My appologies.
Here's the lyrics if anyone is interested.
My Everything
I want it, I need it
You can hear them say
They all seem to struggle
To find their everything
Why do they, keep searching
Searching for that door
In the hope it leads them
To everything and more
But I know, yes I know
That I just can't find it out there
I found my everything in you
Some hearts take pleasure
In leading you astray
And some will lead you right home
There you'll choose to stay
My hear keeps calling
Calling me back to you
It's then I realize
What I supposed to do
If they knew what I knew
They wouldn't have to look so far
I found my everything in you
I found my everything in you
Despite the many paths I find
Or where they lead me to
I know not what my future holds
It seems so bittersweet
But I can take up solace knowing
This is right for me
I have it I found it
They will hear me say
Even when I question
I will never stray
‘cause I know yes I know
There's not much more I need
I have my everything in you
I know, yes I know
That I don't need to travel far
I found my everything in you
Thanks again
==================
Pat
joefish
SilverBox
"Music so wishes to be heard that it sometimes calls on unlikely characters to give it voice".
Robert Fripp
From a songwriting perspective everythings fits pretty well. My only 'gripe' with it is that it fits the modern-pop mold so well that it becomes a tad generic. If I'd hear it on the radio I would continue listening but I won't remember the track for long. Now I know that is just my taste (and I think my tastes are a tad out of whack) but I have the feeling you got the skills but need a bit more experience to find out what your style is. Atleast it'll mean we get more to hear of you, and that would be a good thing!
I like it.
It reminds me of the theme song for the show "Friends".
Or a minstrel song.
A true busking song (Stellabloo should like it :P )
You even had the tambourine in there (at the beginning).
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Thanks for the input guys.
My only 'gripe' with it is that it fits the modern-pop mold so well that it becomes a tad generic. If I'd hear it on the radio I would continue listening but I won't remember the track for long.
Ahh yes, here is the bain of my existance. Since I am such a novice in songwriting, I always look to others for inspiration in writing. Most of them are "pop songs" for the 60's and such that have a poppy forumula. Verse, Verse, chorus, verse, chorus, middle 8, verse, chorus, chorus... I actually have set out several times to write a good "ol fasioned rocker," however, when I'm done, it sounds just like this one. I'm not sure what I am doing wrong. I know I have a certain range I can write and sing in before I start sounding screetchy and pitchy so I have to be careful about moving outside certain boxes.
Let me ask you this...if i were to rework this song into a more non pop more edgy sound, would I have to re-write the melody, lyrics, or just treat it with a different arrangement.
Thanks again for the input.
==================
Pat
joefish
SilverBox
"Music so wishes to be heard that it sometimes calls on unlikely characters to give it voice".
Robert Fripp
Let me ask you this...if i were to rework this song into a more non pop more edgy sound, would I have to re-write the melody, lyrics, or just treat it with a different arrangement.
I don't think there is just one aspect that is 'typically non-pop'. A nice excercise would be to take your song and make multiple versions, each one changing one aspect. But the core principle is: does the current format accurately portrays your emotion or intend? If you keep that idea in mind at every step it doesnt matter where you end up in the end. Easy ways to branch out harmonically is by giving yourself little excercises. A few examples:
1) Write a chord progression in Am but don't use Am for the first three chords.
2) Write a chord progression using just two chords. The second chord must contain notes outside the key.
3) Write a progression that is five measures long.
4) Write an eight-measure long progression where every odd measure is the tonic.
Etc etc, you get the point. Just write down what you're doing now and then force yourself by doing what you didnt do before. You'll probably run into a lot of bad ideas but the good ones will be so important for your development it's way worth it. Good luck!
