Colours ( edited version is in here somewhere ) haha

I surely like the rhyme scheme you've used. The way you took the assignment is something no one would have expected, but I like it. It's actually very funny to me :)
If this is only a start for you, well done already!

Thanks

Glad you liked it and yes it is meant to be fun / sing a long sort of thing

thanks for your reponse

cheers
:wink:
L.K :arrow:

Hey L.K

Well this reads to me like a nursery Rhyme , sorry but it does . I know how hard it is to write that's why I have not posted a song for this week yet . :oops:

Don't mean to insult you or your work but that's how it comes over to me and I have read many posts from you . And when you don't like something you always say but that's only my opinion so... L.K that's only my opinion . The use of Noah was quite brilliant I thought and his little battle with God , the story seems good but I think it fails in it's delivery of being a serious song . But like you said it's more of a sing-a-long thing , and I hope others don't take too much notice of my post as I know nothing about music can't play / can't sing / can't write but I know what I like. :oops:
Don't take my words as insults please I'm just being honest :wink:
see you later
Hilch

It's different, it's fun, and yes it's pretty catchy too...

Just nit-picking here, you understand, but to me the chorus doesn't capture the same slightly irreverent mood as the rest of the song...maybe if you wanted to change anything (you did say you weren't 100% happy with this!) you could start there?

:D :D :D

Vic

oouch ..... :cry:
nursery rhyme ?????? ooooo..... :oops:

thanks.. I thinks :?

Vic thanks :wink:

I wrote the chorus first , and your 100% correct it doesn't work , I have gone over this that many times it is not funny but I keep coming up if I add more of the Noah / God thing in there it might miss the the target so to say. :oops:

But I will be trying to make it better ... nursery ryhme ###### mind you think of the royalities :wink:

cheers
L.K :arrow:

LK,

I really likes this, just lost me in a couple spots.

Would he want his green back
And order it to painted black
I assume your talking about God, but I didn't quite get this reference. Did you mean God would want his land back? Were you talking about money? :oops: Why would he paint it black?
I wonder how that would make ol Noah feel

-and-

As Noah lay in his bed
Tossing ,turning seeing red
This rhyme seems a little forced
This could be his meal deal

Such pretty colours are easy to find
I just wish I wasn't colour blind
For all the colours to me are not real
Love this part

As for sounding like a nursery rhyme, hmmm. To me it doesn't read that way but maybe Hilch thought that because every stanza and chorus ended with the same rhyme? Only a guess. Either way, enjoyed this alot! G. :)

Hey thanks Rocketgirl

mmm more editing coming up I see you where you are coming from .
Green back reference yes means his money back.
Black ? why black well it rhymes and it's the total opposite to pink I could think of .

mm

i'll put all my edits on bottom of original post then I'll repost it when it's done and hosed down .
thanks for your in put
cheers
L.K

With edits so you can read entire song :wink:

"Colours"

I wonder what God would think
If Noah painted his ark bright pink
And a big orange fluro keel

Would god want his green back
And have it orded to be painted black
I wonder how that would make ol Noah feel

Such pretty colours are easy to find
But for poor ol Noah he was colour blind
For all the colours for him were not real

For ol Noah was not from the well to do
Gods reaction would surely make him blue
Where on Earth would he find a seal

As Noah lay in his bed
Tossing ,turning seeing red
This could be his meal deal

Such pretty colours are easy to find
But for poor ol Noah he was colour blind
For all the colours for him were not real

I like the changes and think it's pretty darn good now I know I only tweeked it here and there but all in all I think it's PRETTY DARN GOOD :lol:

am I allowed to say that about my own work ? :oops:

Yep, like the changes you made mate...and of course you're allowed to feel proud of a nice piece of work!!!!

One little thing....have you thought of extending the chorus? Maybe two sets of three lines, keep the same AAB rhyming scheme as the verses... that way it'd just flesh the song out a little more....

Just a suggestion...

:D :D :D

Vic

Actually I did Vic but all my creative juices dried up pretty quickly doing this much ( there wasn't a real lot there to start with ) :wink:

that game is very funny the only thing that rhymes with Australia is failure gee I laughed when he said that and Im a proud Aussie

hey, now that I read this I get your German version(actually some real funny twists in vocab there):)
makes sense now :D

I actually like it a lot, wouldn't have thought of a nursery rhyme, but even if it sounded like one, I do like nursery rhymes(there are some pretty dark ones if anyone remembers that one long-ago assignment- vic, maybe you?)

the edit works very well, not much to add here, be happy now, eh?
cheers,
bluenightangel