Hello,
I wrote this today in about 15 minutes. This is my first post and first song ever written, I am ready for the feedback. No need to take it easy on me, I want to learn.
The Green
It was May of 01 with a baby 2 weeks away
When the boss man stopped by to say
Pack up your things, revenues are down
Called up a buddy said meet me cross town
Half way thru a drunken afternoon
I knew I had to get home soon
I walked in the door and let the wife know
That I lost my job and the market's slow
She wrapped her arms around me and she held me tight
We're in this together it's gonna be alright
The boy was born and we were livin' our dream
That's when knew, it ain't about the green
3 years later and the girl's due any day
The job's more steady, but there has got be another way
We moved out to the hill country to leave Dallas behind
Now all we got is clear runnin streams and family on our mind
She wrapped her arms around me and she held me tight
We're still in this together and everything's alright
Two beautiful kids and we're livin' our dream
And that's how we know, it ain't about the green
Noo, it ain't about the green.
No need to take it easy? Let it rip eh? OK you asked for it....
I think for a first song this is excellent, for ANY song it's pretty good... short, to the point, gets the story across....AND manages to fulfil the assignment....
Reminds me in places (but only in a general sense) of Springsteen and Petty....are they among your influences?
Can't wait for #2.......
Good job!!!!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Usually the first songs written that rhyme are half-a$$ed attempts to make them rhyme. Thanks for breaking that stereotype. I thought it was excellent. Welcome to the forum and keep it up!
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
hey and welcome
First of all the meter is all over the place the story is about nothing has no feeling no sense of emotion . :lol:
HA HA HA ONLY JOKING , IT IS INDEED VERY GOOD THERE ARE SOME TERRIFIC LINES IN HERE .
"Half way thru a drunken afternoon
I knew I had to get home soon
I walked in the door and let the wife know
That I lost my job and the market's slow "
BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT AND YOU SAID IT VERY WELL
cheers
L.K :arrow:
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
Thank you all for being so kind.
I tried singing it on the way home and it didn't sing so well, I'll keep working at it and glad to be here.
As far as influences go, I primarily am a country guy, but I'm such a rook I will have to get back to you on the influences,
thanks again.
heylo and welcome to the forum!!
yeah, as everyone else has already said... this is an awesome first song!!
haha yeah! like the story in it too... its so happy! :D
but yes good work!
cya!
mary-jane
