song i worked hard, critique please

verse
i wanna feel your disease from long ago
before i was sadly mistaken for something so cold

shes got all the boyes obsessed (the things theyll do for a pretty face)
shes got her hands around our necks (and she knows it)
now there just dying to impress (theyll never be the same)

pre chorues mayby:
can we get carnal
i wanna get carnal..do you?

verse 2. (still working on)
you got a glare i cant stand
but i love to be around you
those marble eyes they stair
directly into me
yet you still past right through the flesh

still figuring out a chorus and im thinking about adding more parts to it , tell me what you think