Hey everybody. I decided to start doing this on a (hopefully) regular basis. I'm really interested in getting into songwriting, so here is a stab at this week's topic. Any comments/suggestions/help would be greatly appreciated...
------------------------------------------
Forgive Me
Copyright 2006. All rights reserved.
Feels like I've been hanging round for years
I've been seeing you since the day you were born
Ready to go, but still I stay
Never get tired, but yet I feel so worn
And she comes singing…
I know I never believed in you
But could you forgive me if I asked you to
Cause I need you now more than ever before
And these bad times are knocking at my door
So I step back and look around
Wonder why you've decided to believe in me now
My duty calls, I come flying
Have to save you now, but how?
And she comes singing…
I know I never believed in you
But could you forgive me if I asked you to
Cause I need you now more than ever before
And these bad times are knocking at my door
I've given you life
But I could never take away
I could never be your friend
But I will always stay…
Here with you
I'll be right by your side
You're life is in my hands
And she comes singing…
I know I never believed in you
But could you forgive me if I asked you to
Cause I need you now more than ever before
And these bad times are knocking at my door
They're knocking at my door
I know I never believed in you
But could you forgive me now if I asked you to?
"Heavy decibels are playing on my guitar
We got vibrations comin' up from the floor
We're just listenin' to the rock
That's givin' too much noise....
Rock and roll ain't noise pollution"
~AC/DC
Hi and welcome
Firstly I hope you do try to this gig (SSG ) on a more regular basis :wink:
It is a lot of fun
The line :
And she comes singing
I don't think fits in as much as you have mabe just leving it towards the end might have a bigger impact ?
I like the ending it's real good ..
I would suggest just one change and that would be to try to get your verses more uniform with the amount lines ..
You have 4 lines in all verses but one and it has 7 almost twice as many as the rest ..( just my opinion )
But over all it reads quite well what type of music do you have in mind for it ?
Hope I have been helpful
Hilch :?:
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
guess i should have specified. the part with 7 lines is like a bridge. i was thinking i could change keys there. also, not sure what type of music i had in mind. i just threw the lyrics together last night right before i went to bed. thanks for the comments and suggestions
"Heavy decibels are playing on my guitar
We got vibrations comin' up from the floor
We're just listenin' to the rock
That's givin' too much noise....
Rock and roll ain't noise pollution"
~AC/DC
I can hear a real mellow chugging accoustic like an old train in the background, maybe in D, just almost whispering the lyrics to yourself.. that would be heavy. Id like to hear it whatever you do if you record it.
SHUT UP ABOUT IRON MAIDEN SOLOS AND GO PRACTICE!
-Manitou
